Saturday, Sep 24, 2011
Good morning, Soccer Moms!
Today we’re off for another day of AYSO youth soccer. This afternoon, the twins will square off against another Girls Level 16 team. I am hopeful that they will have a great game. I’m taking my mom with me. It’s her birthday (Happy Birthday, Mom).
I’m planning on bringing along (for half-time) this book that I am currently reading and really into called Molokai. It’s the story of a girl who is taken from her family and sent to live in a leper colony on the Hawaiian Island, Molakoi. Great book so far.
I recently recommended to a co-worker the book Pride & Prejudice. She came into the office this week and told me that she loved it. You know, I was unsure about recommending a classic, but it really made me feel good to know that I shared something that means so much to me to another who was glad that she read it. It’s not like recommending a popular paperback like The Help (which she also enjoyed)… there’s a risk that somebody might not love a classic as much as you. Anyway, I just wanted to share how cool it was that book recommendation worked out because I just love that book! When it was recommended to me, I didn’t want to read it… but was forever changed afterwards.
So… I’m off for a day of cheering and celebrating with my mom and daughters. It’s what Saturdays are all about… family.
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Posted in Personal Blogs
Sunday, Sep 4, 2011
My garage is like one of those that you see on TLC… where you have hoarded things over the years and have a tough time getting rid of anything. Based on the looming potential of losing my home to my lender (update: the legal case is dragging on forever), my family volunteered to pitch in and help me lighten my load. If I have to move, the garage must be addressed.
My family came over armed for bear with gloves and masks, my mother brought lunch and my brother brought beer.
Up into the rafters we went. We yanked everything out, cleaned the garage, slimmed down my belongings, and put the remains (neatly labeled), back in. We made a run to the dump and a trip to the Goodwill. We filled up two 3-yard bins full of stuff. I started at 8:30 in the morning and we were done by 4:30 in the afternoon. Everybody was pooped.
Emotionally, it was difficult for me to let go of the material items and sift through the memories. But, it was necessary. Since everything was dragged out into my front yard, people thought that I was having a yard sale. They kept trying to make me offers on things. It was very strange. I mean… can’t you clean your garage without people thinking that it’s a garage sale?
There were some items that I just couldn’t part with… some of my children’s keepsakes from when they were babies, my doll collection from when I was a little girl, my first bible. But, I did purge a lot of old boxes of files and tax returns. We found copies of love letters sent to my grandmother before she met my grandfather. Just imagine, finding letters from the 1920′s in your garage that you didn’t know about. You see, the home I own used to be owned by my grandparents. It’s a family home. When I went inside the house at the end of the day, I found a closet door had been opened while we all were outside. Hmm… was grandma upset that we read her letters aloud?
The end result is a clean and happy garage, where items are so well organized that I could choreograph a dance routine in there with my car parked inside. It’s a welcome site. But, it was a hard day. I’m glad that it’s over with and that I don’t have to look back.
I have one more trip to take to the Goodwill. Besides some laundry, no more labor for me this weekend. It’s all about R&R for the remainder of the weekend. Sleeping, eating, reading (*currently reading Molokai for an upcoming book review*) is all that is on my agenda.
All my best to you for a wonderful, labor-less, holiday weekend!
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Posted in Personal Blogs
Sunday, Aug 28, 2011
It’s dark.
She hasn’t seen her date in over 4 months and had only met him once before.
The bar is crowded.
She sees a man with short hair who she believes resembles her date.
She approaches and places her hand on his back.
“Hi. So sorry that I am late.”
He looks at her, but does not answer.
“I was running behind and thanks for waiting.”
He asks if he can buy her a drink.
“Yes. A margarita would be great. So, how long have you been waiting?”
He looks confused.
“Matt?”
“No.”
“Oh, Dear God! I am so sorry, I thought you were my date.”
“It’s quite alright.”
She dies of embarressment as her actual date in the corner of the bar witnesses the entire exchange.
“Did you forget what I look like or something?”
Recovery is deemed impossible.
First dates are the worst… especially if you are as rusty as I at them.
(Head under the pillow night).
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Posted in Personal Blogs
Wednesday, Aug 24, 2011
Writing.
Writers.
Expression.
Letting the words escape from my head and make their way to paper, or in this case, the screen just seems to set me free.
Less stress.
Less worry.
As a woman, at times it feels as though I have a spinning Rolodex in my mind. (For young people, that was what we used at work instead of v-cards.) Thoughts about everything and nothing just taking their rounds in my mind. Is this why writers write? Or readers read? To escape the myriad of continual thoughts running rampid amongst the mind? For me, I believe that answer is “yes.”
All I need today is to get those words out of my mind.
Digital Dating.
What is up with that? I’m trying it. I feel like an old Volkswagon bug trying to keep up on an Indy 500 course with the most finely tuned race cars circling right past me on the track. I am officially feeling like an 80 year old woman in a room full of 25 year old men. I just don’t know how to navigate the dating scene any more. I’m truthfully in the prime of my life, but feel too old to be doing this.
I tried going to the bars.
Nightmare.
Let’s just leave it at that.
Work.
Work is something to be so grateful for. Isn’t it the greatest double-edge sword in your life? I am in a stagnant stage of pure appreciation for the opportunity to work in today’s economy, yet definitely regretful that I continue to put in more hours than are healthy for me. It gets in the way of everything… yoga class, dance class, spending more time with my children…. but, a total necessary requirement of existence.
And, there’s that.
The Children.
The 14-year old female is one to be reckoned with, let me assure you. And, I have two of them. I want to enjoy them so much because I see that time has flown by us. They will fly the coop sooner than I know it. But the time that we have is often a time of negotiation, direction, and careful parenting. Where’s the fun in that? They spent all summer doing a hodge-podge of things… all without me. Again, that four-letter word: work.
Entertainment.
I’m so happy that The Help was finally released onto the big screen. I want to add it to my list of “things to do,” yet I know that it will end up a renter. Bachelor Pad.. my guilty pleasure and escape. I swear to you that watching it has a mind-numbing effect. I literally am able to stop that Rolodex for the entire duration of that show. Now, if only it could be on every other night after work.
Exercise.
I feel motivated when I leave the office, yet exhausted the moment that the heels come off. I need to treat myself better… lose more weight.
Diet.
So, I bought a chicken salad for lunch today and it arrived without the chicken. $7 for lettuce and dressing. How sad is that? I should have just settled for the Lean Cuisine and saved the dough. But, the diet has been good to me. My blood levels are awesome and my Diabetes is very much under control right now. (Yeah for me… oh so proud).
Dating, again.
I have a date this weekend. I’m nervous. How do you ever know what to wear on first dates? Really… I want to know.
Sleep.
I’m hoping to have some tonight because I shared my words with you today.
Good-night and thanks for reading my diary today.
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Posted in Personal Blogs
Sunday, Jul 31, 2011
Hello to my readers who have still kept me on their radar. It’s been a long while since I have spent my Sunday updating my blog. Oh… where to begin?
As you may have noticed, I have asked Temptation Designs to redesign the website. Many thanks to the uber-talented Samantha for her work. I hope that you enjoy the new format and design.
While Samantha was working away on the new look, I have been working on me. My career has been keeping me ultra-busy. At work, we’re in the midst of budget season right now, which means 10-12 hour days plus hours on the weekends. It’s been good to be filled with a healthy workload to keep me focused on earning an income and supporting my family. The work has also kept my mind off of me… my internal struggles and worrisome thoughts. At least, during the hours that I’m working.
It’s still there. The worry. I realize that it is completely dependent upon the ego and so unconnected to my spirituality. I’m filled with it. Since I lost my job in 2008, over the past 3 years, I have undergone a multitude of changes. Some for the better and some for the worse. A Novel Menagerie stemmed from my unemployment as a means to find a way to connect with what I love and share myself with the world. It carried my spirits high as it fostered creative juices and gave me an outlet to communicate who I was and what I had to offer with the world. During this time, I went back to school and worked part-time. I was eventually re-employed in 2009 and from there, life has continued to offer me a series of hills to climb ever since.
I realize that I am like so many other Americans right now suffering in this seemingly non-recoverying economy. I have tried my best to hold onto my house, repay my debts, and crawl out of the vast darkness that the long term of unemployment that I endured. Being a single mom of twin girls, I felt as though I didn’t have any other option but than to keep crawling forward and trying my best to do what I could to provide for my girls. However, despite the forward motion… the steps that I’ve taken and the accomplishments that have been achieved, a big part of me feels stuck in that place where all was lost… the job, the man, the success.
I’ve been told over and over again that work doesn’t define who you are. I’ve been reminded that life is a journey filled with highs and lows. At times, it just seems that the last three years have held more lows for me than highs. There has been a restart button pressed on my career. Despite that, I’ve been financially unsucessful in catching up with my debt. My mortgage company has elected to terminate my loan modification, despite my regular payments. My creditors have accepted minimum payments, but I can’t keep atop of it all. I am now… bankrupt. I’ve worked since I was 16 years old. Except for the recent period of unemployment, I have always worked. I have always managed to pay my bills and keep atop of everything. Now I sit here and I cannot believe that I am bankrupt… fully financial and significantly emotionally.
Papers have been filed, that and my life remains in the sole hands of God. I pray that the attorneys that I’ve been placed with will look out for the girls, the pets and I. I desperately reach out to the heavens and ask for relief and safety. I relate to the hundreds of thousands of Americans who have lost their careers and homes. I know that I am not alone. But, that doesn’t heal the wounds any faster. It’s not necessarily the loss of the material possessions that causes the pain. It is more the uncertainty of my safety and the fear that the home that I’ve worked so hard to build will be lost.
My family has shown me support and I know that they will be there for me as I navigate this winding road. But, I am still terrified. This is all back to that word… worry. Ego won’t allow my spirit to shine through and drive my life. Ego will let my body and mind be filled with worry. So, it has been a world filled with work, worry, and saddness. I’ve talked to friends, counselors, and the like… and, yet the sorrow keeps overshadowing the life that I’m supposed to be living right now. It’s a waste of life. I know it and I feel it.
God has whispered in my ear and shouted to from the mountains to me that it is time to climb out of that fear and worry. He is calling my spirit back to the woman he created me to be. Now, I have to begin again. It’s time to rediscover the simple joys in life. The bells are ringing for me to awaken and organize myself. It is my prayer for the depression and anxiety to be lifted.
Part of my prayer and my hope is that I rediscover my passion for writing, that I am able to recommit myself to reading, writing, and discovering. For those who I’ve grown to know via A Novel Menagerie… it is my hope that this is just the re-beginning of our connection.
Thank you for allowing me back and have a blessed week…
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Posted in Personal Blogs
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