Archive for the ‘entertainment reviews’ Category

It Seems They’ve Proved Us All Wrong…

Last night’s finale of The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love gobbled up 3 & 1/2 hours of my undivided attention.  In a way, it was like curling up with a good book, only better! 

In many ways I wish that I hadn’t read the spoilers and known in advance that Vienna would be Jake’s final decision.  But, what the audience discovered last night is that YES, they are still together and seemingly very happy.   But, let’s start from the beginning….

The finale took place on the gorgeous island of St. Lucia (*if you can’t fall in love there with no phones, traffic or worries, you can’t fall in love anywhere*).  Jake starts off the show by sharing that he’s “so in love with Tenley” and “so in love with Vienna,” but apparently for “totally different reasons.”  (*personally, if i were Vienna, i’d pitch a bit of a fit about that comment*)  He explains that Tenley appears to be “too good to be true” and that his physical chemistry with Vienna is “lightening hot!”  He expands on his feelings for Vienna by sharing that when he is with her he feels “content, warm and loved” and that he could picture her as his wife.  Ultimately, what he set his sights for was “the perfect girl for the next 60 years of my life.”  Unfortunately, he just didn’t know which one he would going to propose to.  (*i did*)

ABC foots the bill for the Pavelka Family to join the lovers in St. Lucia and Jake is very grateful that his family “shut down their lives” to help him fall in love.  (*but, didn’t he say that he was already in love with 2 people???*) So, Mom, Dad, 2 brothers and their wives get the VIP treatment in St. Lucia.  He tells the brood that he’s fallen in love so deeply.  He sets up Tenley as the perfect woman that she apparently is and Vienna as the most hated woman on the show.  Jake’s Mom responds to this information with, “Sometimes there’s something to that, Jake.” 

Mom: "You are perfect for my son." Tenley: "Did I mention my EX?"

First up for family review is Tenley-The-Great.  She enters the room and on cue exclaims, “Oh my goodness!” about the fact that the entire family is there to qualify the ladies.  Shortly thereafter, Tenley is spilling her guts about love, how great Jake is, etc. and Jake’s Pop starts to cry.  (*hmmm… her family cries on the drop of a hat, too… *) In her 1-on-1 time with Jake’s Mom, she tells Tenley, “When Jim and I are gone, it you girls who are the glue of the family.”  More tears.  But, never fail our predictable Tenley takes the opportunity to talk about her EX… AGAIN.  I think it was along the lines of, “I wanted to be one man’s wife and I value marriage.”  Cry. Cry. Cry.  (*oh, gag me with a spoon!*)  When Tenley gets Jim all to herself, she again shares about her EX and his family.  Jim cries again and we learn that Jim calls his son, “Jacob.”

Jake takes the opportunity to share with his mom that he doesn’t feel that Tenley knows his fun loving side.  She encourages him to share that side of himself.  The love-birds have a short chat in which he tells her that he’s hot and wants to go swimming.  She agrees.  They are running to the pool and stripping off their mikes.  In their clothes, they make out in the amazing pool.  The brothers jump in the pool in their clothes to join them.  But, the wives and Mom just wade with their feet and don’t muss up their dresses/hair.

The Pavelka Family’s reactions to Vienna are…

"Don't be a hater!!!"

• “She’s got a lot to live up to after meeting Tenley.”
• “She is kinda confrontational.”
• “I’m concerned about Vienna.”
• The opinion that Vienna poking fun at Jake is a “red flag.”
• Vienna was not “connecting well” with the family.
• The whole “brutally honest” thing is just an excuse for immaturity.  She should be more mature like Tenley.  (*”some day my prince will come…”*)
• Vienna is sweet and annoying.

So, as you can see… Vienna’s not fairing well.  She has a private conversation with the Sisters-In-Law in which they ask her, “Do you think he loves you?”  Her reply was, of course, “Yes.” 

“Do you think he loves Tenley?” they inquired.

“No.”

“So, won’t you be shocked if he doesn’t pick you in the end!” (*boo… hiss…. NOT nice sisters!*)

Yet, eventually she turns the attitudes around and there is a change of perception about Vienna from the Pavelka Family, although I’m relatively certain that Jim is still crying about Tenley.  Mom gives the “women are the glue of the family” speech to Vienna and she seems down with it.  All’s well that ends well with this meeting and we’re FINALLY done with Pavelka Family Time.

Moving onto my 2nd glass of wine…

Vienna and Jake have their final date in which they go to a sulphur hot springs.  Vienna doesn’t want to go in because it “smells like rotten eggs,” but once she feels the mud and concludes that they might have a pretty cool mud wrestling match, she’s more than happy to jump in.  She writes “I Love You” on his mud-covered stomach.  They leave the mud pit looking nearly like Aborigines and cruise over to a stream to clean off.  Vienna tells the audience that, in addition to the “major physical attraction,” she believes that there is only one soul-mate for each person in life.  She believes that she’s found her soul-mate in Jake. 

At her place that night, she gives Jake the promise ring that she wears (*long story short… her father gave it to her and it’s the reminder not to ever take it off until it is replaced by the wedding ring of her one true love*)  They have a wonderful evening and I’m just wishing we didn’t have to watch the Tenley date.  After Jake leaves, Vienna confesses, “It will crush me in a million pieces to find out that I just lost the only man that I ever fell in love with.”  (*sister, you’ve got a lot more life ahead of you… believe me… there will be others!*) 

As we approach the date with Tenley, we’re reminded of how Jake feels when he says, “It’s tough being in love with two people at the same time.”  (*gosh, i’d like to be in love with just one…*)  Tenley shares that she just wants to see Jake and “kiss him and hug him and just play with him… all day long!”  (*it is at this point that i discover the perfect advertiser for ABC:  an anti-nausea medicine manufacturer!*)  I mean, seriously.. she sounds like she’s talking about a puppy!  So…. (*sigh*), she’s obviously spent HOURS doing her hair and they end up going out on a boat to go snorkeling.  (*say ‘goodbye’ to that Pantene Hair*)  They see dolphins, snorkel, and the viewers are confused as to whether or not we are watching The Bachelor or The Little Mermaid. 

No onto the chemistry analysis… (*no prior schooling necessary*) 

Apparently Jake has concluded that he has a very fiery, physical chemistry with Vienna and an emotional chemistry with Tenley (*which completely freaks me out!*).  So Jake asks Tenley if she recognizes this predicament and ends up hurting the fragile Tenley’s feelings.  Apparently, she thought Jake’s biggest concern was that he wouldn’t be able to handle her.  (*i want whatever drug she’s taking*)  So, in her brokeness Jake is remorseful that he’s hurt her feelings and says, “She’s so kind, so sweet.  Oh my gosh, what have I done?”  (*maybe, just maybe they are perfect for one another*) 

The tearful goodbye with Tenley.

Tenley’s mission that night was to get that physical spark going.  She said that she wasn’t all that confident about Jake choosing her because of the whole “chemistry” thing.  When he arrives at the door she SPRINTS to open it.  They attempt to have fun and talk things through.  Tenley takes him to her bedroom and gives him a token of her undying love.  She then says, “Now I can tell you that I love you.”  Jake dons her the “Girl With A Heart of Gold.”  (*wasn’t that from the movie about the cop and the waitress who share a winning lotto ticket?*)  Anyway, this totally irks me because earlier he had said THE EXACT SAME THING about Vienna. 

I have loved falling in love with you and I loved feeling alive with you.  Thank you for giving that to me,” she whispers. 

Hurry... Vienna!

Jake gives her the puppy-dog face.  Apparently he explains his decision further by stating that he wasn’t comfortable being himself with her and that you just can’t force that feeling.  Tenley tells him, “My heart feels broken right now.”  In her limo ride she shares, “He brought a lot of life back into my life.  Now this is opening an entire new can of worms.  Jake will see the mistake he made and I feel bad for him.”  (*i think her true career calling should be writing cards for Hallmark*)

After the rain, there is the sunlight and thank goodness that Vienna is on her way.  Jake coos, “For 31 years I have dreamt of a moment like this.  I would NEVER ask for a woman’s hand in marriage unless I was 100% sure.  The decision is just way too big.”  From Vienna’s thoughts on her helicopter ride we learn, “Jake is my soul-mate.  I found my place in life and that place is with Jake.  It really is.  If Jake tells me that I’m not the one, I’m going to be comp;letelyu lost because when I found him is when I found myself.”  (*i never knew she was lost*) 

She approaches Jake.

“I’m completely in love with you,” she says.

He starts off by returning the promise ring.  Vienna looks frightened that he has chosen Tenley. 

“Vienna, I love youwith everything that I am.”

“I love you sooooooo much, ” she replies.

“Will you marry me?” Jake asks.

“Yes!  Yes!”

Cue the music:  On The Wings of Love by Jeffrey Osborne.  (*finally*)

(*i am now clapping*)

Moving onto the “After the Final Rose” episode, I just was DYING to find out if they were still together.  First we have the Tenley interview and face-to-face with Jake.  Her dress was just like Vienna’s on the finale, but shorter (*odd*).  Again she starts with “Oh my goodness!”  (*it’s her signature line*)  We learn that she is healed, ready to love again, etc. etc. etc.  Jake offers her a life-time friendship and she accepts. 

Chris Harrison and Jake discuss the horrible press that the tabloids have been giving Vienna and he immediately defends her. 

“Vienna’s my baby,” he states, “It’s like a fairy tale every day.  She is the kindest, most gentle person.”  And later, “She is the best girl for me.”

In defense of Vienna, I must say that I am a true believer in being the person you are supposed to be,  in spite of the consequences (good or bad).  Over the past several weeks,  I’ve maintained that Vienna was a favorite of mine and, to this day, I believe for the right reasons.  Being an “imperfect girl” (*uh… who is perfect… besides Tenley?*) who always says what’s on her mind herself,  I found a kinship and understanding with Vienna.  For being REAL,  she’s received a bad rap in the media and I find it unfair… and, simply… poor journalism.  Can’t the imperfect girl be the recipient of love and the happy ending?  I say, “YES!”

Despite the media’s influx of negativity,  just know that I couldn’t have been more surprised and happy than to see Jake and Vienna still a couple in love.  Jake adds, “I had no idea that one day I’d call her my wife.”  Vienna defends herself by intelligently pointing out that perhaps the tabloids should interview her current friends rather than the people she knew in Junior High.  

But the best part for me was watching a couple in love, dancing to “On The Wings of Love” as serenaded to them by Jeffrey Osborne.  At the end of the song he whispered to her, “I love you.”  In reply, she mouthed, “I love you, too.”

I’m a sucker for a happy ending! 

 Could it be true love?

Romantic hearts hope so.

Favorite Couple Pics:

Notes:  Ali is confirmed as the next Bachelorette.  She wants 50 guys to choose from, not 25.  The DWTS contestants are announced.  Jake will be joining the cast which includes Pamela Anderson, Chris Ochocinco, Aiden Turner, Niecy Nash, Evan Lysacek, Erin Andrews, Shannen Doherty, Buzz Aldrin (*can he do the moon walk?*), Nicole Scherzinger, and Kate Gosselin.   

For prior week’s recaps:

ABC’s Creating The Drama To Pull In The Ratings

How many times have you seen the commercial for tonight’s episode?  You know, the one where all of the women are assassignating Rozlyn’s character?  I must have seen the advertisements several dozen times in the past few days.  All I can say is, “Those in glass houses…”

"Yes, Chris... I'm happy."

As we started off tonight’s episode, Chris Harrison announces that this was the most “dramatic” season ever.  Can we just identify and utilize a new adjective at this point?  I’m serious.  How about “theatrical” or ”sensational”?  After we are thoroughly convinced that there could be nothing more dramatic than this show, Harrison plays a clip of him hosting an on-camera interview with Jake.  During this interview, they concentrate on Tenley, Vienna and Ali.  Jake watches the footage of when he and Tenley discovered identical messages in the custom made fortune cookies and said they were a “match made in heaven.”    When asked about how he feels about seeing Ali again, he looked like he was about to burst out in tears and said, “I don’t know.  I don’t know.” 

(*hmmm… sounds like my guesses from the past two weeks may be on the right track… *)

I encourage ABC to reconsider their staffing of writers for this show.  In addition to the word “dramatic” they also recycle “controversial” annually.  This time it was used to describe the upcoming appearance of “Television’s Most Controversial Person of All 2010.”  Did Mike Fleiss want to remind his proof-readers and AP’s that it’s only February 2010 and that Rozlyn had maybe 1 day on Extra and ET?  She’ll be remembered, perhaps, in the “Best of 2010″ recaps at the end of the year… maybe.  But, she’s a flash in the pan, like Wes of Jillian’s season. 

Speaking of Wes, the cheatin’ bastard…  ABC spent entirely too much time providing footage of post season’s cast members partying it up in Vegas and on a cruise ship.  There appeared to be more hook-ups than an Alaskan season of salmon fishing.   Wes was to be found amongst the crowd bragging about his sexual appeal to the ladies.   After I barfed,  I wondered how many records he’s selling in Mexico this year.

Too offset the booze, sex and rock n’ roll, ABC then decided to preach to its audience about the importance of charitable work.   It was nice to watch, but a total waste of my time.  I really don’t need to watch Deanna Pappas chasing around a 10-year old Jose with a rose.  (*aren’t there laws about that?*)

O.K., so ABC & Mike Fleiss… let’s recap where we’ve just wasted an hour of your audience’s lives on:

• The Bachelor is DRAMATIC
• Stay tuned because the most “CONTROVERSIAL” person of 2010 will be on soon (*i wonder if Sarah Palin would agree?*)
• All of our cast rejectees are actually having a ton of fun partying it up while not in committed relationships
• Save-The-Date-Card for our frig’s:  Jason & Molly are getting married in two weeks
• Jake is obviously alone and this season was a complete waste of our time.
• P.S. Don’t forget to donate your time to charities

Moving further into the commercial-packed episode, my favorite comments from the ladies were the ones of them teasing Tenley.  Specifically one said that she “sh*ts rainbows” and Vienna said, “I think she might dream in cartoons.”  (*whistle while you work…. la la la la la la*)  Some of the ladies defended Vienna after crapping on her all season by saying, “She’s only 23 years old” and “She is a good person.”  Gia defended her by saying that some of her immaturity doesn’t make her unworthy of finding love with a great man.  I couldn’t agree more.

While panning across the bevy of beauties and their interviews, I kept going back to Kiss-Me-Not-Elizabeth’s chest.  I’m nearly certain she’s had a re-do and enlargement.   In addition, Harrison interviewed Crazy-Pants-Michelle and asked her (and the women) if ABC correctly portrayed her personality.  She down-played it, but Valisha called her out on it and told her “Maybe you’re a little emotionally unstable.”  (*that’s putting it mildly ’cause I can see the bunny boilin’*)

Eventually we get to Ali’s interview in which she basically admitted that she’d make a mistake and, YES, if she could do it over again she would.  But, she honestly thought that since Jake is a pilot that he’d come and find her if it was true love.  (*contractually is he allowed to do that?  we should ask Rozlyn the contract expert*)  Ali attempts to make amends to Vienna for being so out-right rude to her.   Specifically,  she regretted the comment that she made about Vienna having the 1-on-1 with Jake.   Ali admitted that she was disappointed in her actions.  (*i wonder if the producers directed her to say this so that she can gain fan favor before she stars as The Bachelorette?*)  She specifically apologized to Vienna and expressed that nobody deserves to be trashed like that in the tabloids and encouraged Vienna to “stay strong.”  When Harrison inquired if she would do things differently if she could go back in time, she replied, “Knowing what I know now, yes.”  (*you mean knowing that Jake picked nobody and is pining away for you?  or, Jake dumped Vienna and is pining away for you?  or, that you need to say this to gain fan favor so you can be the next Bachelorette?*)

The PA finally brings out Rozlyn.  As she makes her way down the hallway, she hears applause and comments, “I’m assuming that cheering was not for me.”  Rozlyn Papa (RP) and Chris Harrison (CH) have a battle of the wits.  But, much of the conversation has been so widely publicized in the media that there was really nothing new to learn.  To save you valuable minutes of your life, here are the highlights of the verbal smackdown:

* CH asks RP a series of rapid-fire questions…

  – Did you meet him in your hometown?  Yes, but there was nothing inappropriate about it.

  – Did anything happen?  No.

  - Did you meet him in a LA Hotel room and have inappropriate behavior?  Absolutely not.

  - So, you’re saying this is more of a friendship? Absolutely.

* After every person speaks, Roz’s standard answer is either “no,” “absolutely not,” or “on my child’s life absolutely not.”  (*later Jessie swears on her dog’s life that she saw them on the stairs making me ponder… dog’s life…? child’s life…? dog’s life…?  child’s life…?*)

* The women basically state that there were 3 “inappropriate behaviors:”

  1.  She was touching his thigh while they sat on a couch.

  2.  She was on the couch on all 4’s with her butt up in the air asking for “the staffer” to take her to bed.

  3.  She was caught making out on the staircase with “staffer.”

  4.  She was missing from her room at night and couldn’t be found.

The man who needed to take her butt to bed.

(*why on earth are we still calling him a staffer?  everybody knows it’s Ryan Callahan.  chris, just google it!*)

* RP says to CH, “Riddle me this, Chris… ” before she asks him why nothing was captured on tape.  She points out contract issues.  CH tells RP that it’s not a Las Vegas Casino open 24-hours a day and that they don’t have cameras on all the time because they were afraid of people stealing anything.

*She fires back with a comment that “staffer” claims that CH hit on his wife in New Zealand but CH doesn’t want to dignify that comment with an answer.

 

* CH likens his conversation with RP to the ones he has with his sometimes dream-like, imagnitive son when he brings up unicorns and tells her “I hope you learned a life lesson and will become a better person.  

I think a friend of mine best summed up the entire situation when she said, “I think they were friends and that the other women assumed too much.  Then, the story got out of control.”  I wonder if my friend should sit down with CH and explain that?  (*sorry, Chris!*)

(*at this point, I’m clicking back and forth between this and the bedazzled costumes of the Olympic ice-dancing competition which was far more entertaining*)

When Jake sees the ladies, he tells Gia that he was sorry and that his “heart was crying” when he said good-bye to her on the bench.  He practically bursts out in tears about Ali and tells her, “I’m sorry.  I think you are one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met and you’ll always have a friend no matter what.”  (*“never had a friend, never had a friend, like me!”  oh, snap! Tenley, get out of my head!*)

Chris Harrison asks Jake the same question that he’s asked every Bachelor and Bachelorette for years, “Are you happy?”  

She doesn't look very happy to me.

And, the always-to-be-expected-answer, “Yes, I am happy.”

(*good, now back to ice dancing and ski jumping… much more “dramatic”!!!*) 

 Stay tuned for next week’s review!

But, before I do… just another picture of the guy that Roz Papa chose over Jake:

"Karate.... CHOP! Aha! Take that, Harrison... you wife-flirter'er!"

 For prior week’s recaps:

Just the Two of Us, We Can Make It If We Try…

Valentine’s fever is amongst us.  While enduring our love hangovers, we get  just a bit more romance on tonight’s episode.

A not-so-kind article in US Weekly magazine painted Vienna as a fame-monger searching for a way to climb up the entertainment industry ladder.  Likewise, Tenley and Gia’s stories were strongly scrutinized.  I don’t recall ever seeing this type of trash talk about any of the prior episodes.  Why so much hate for Vienna?  Does a woman have to be that perfect-princess-type to win the heart of “The Bachelor”?  No.  Again, I say, “No.”

America is centered around freedom and ability to live a life of self-expression.  Whether a woman is a model, a Hooter’s waitress, or a lawyer, we are all equal.  We are all women.  Can’t we all just get along?

In St. Lucia, Jake had the opportunity to delve deeper into his relationships with the three remaining women.  His first date was with Gia.  He meets her on a hillside look out where she dons an off-the-shoulder sweater (*is this the recurring fashion theme for this season, or what?*), shorts and some flip flops.  Via  a little motor boat, they head over to a local village do to some shopping and sight-seeing.  Jake was moved by the fact that Gia wasn’t an elitist New Yorker with $1,000/pair shoes in this town and that she had compassion for the poor people of the village.  I believe his exact words were that he found it “endearing.”  What exactly does this mean?  That rich people, or those who enjoy the finer things in life, cannot experience and participate in other cultures?  Come on, Jake….

Gia: See? I can get down with the locals! I will wear the heart necklace you bought for me on my wrist as a bracelet because I always want to wear my heart on my sleeve for you.

The duo agreed that they should return to St. Lucia for their honeymoon (*you know, the one that they’ll never have…*).  Once again, the viewers suffer from having to listen to Gia’s victim whine about how she she’s had such a bad experience with men in her past.  Let’s take a moment here to process this.  Who says that the ending of their prior relationships is painless?  I can’t think of anybody.  Every ‘ex’ that I’ve ever loved has mushed my heart into 1,000 pieces.  Does that make me incapable of loving again?   Uh, no!  It’s about faith.  Stop harping on your past, Gia.  Grow up.

We move onto their candlelit dinner on the beach.  She wore her hair in a bun with a crystal “tiara-ish” headband.  Jake tells her, “Nobody else exists right now.”  She agrees.  Her response? 

She constantly brushes her lower lip while talking to Jake.  After he expresses what his is looking for in life, she acted amazed that any man could be so deep and focused on the future.  (*like, what kind of losers has she been dating?*)  They hit the hammock and and Jake loved the way that their bodies just fit together.  He tells the audience, “We have incredible chemistry.  Gia could be the woman that I propose to.” 

Tenley: I go tippy-tippy toe through the tulips... Oh, yeah. I'm on television. I'm going to be a big brave girl and take a chance on staying the night with Jake. After all, I brought my flannel jammies and we can roast marshmellows.

Tenley’s date starts with YET another helicopter ride in which she expressed that it was “so cool!”  They go to an abandoned sugar plantation and have a picnic.  She tells Jake, “I’ve never had a picnic with a boy before.”  (*what are we watching, Little House On The Prairie?*)  Tenley tells the audience, which I actually believe is her love cry to her ex-husband, “My ex-husband is the only person I’ve ever spent the night with.”  I can understand some trepidation about the fantasy suite card, but do we really have to listen to her talk about her ex AGAIN?  After dinner the duo dance and she tells him, “You could lead me for life.”  (*because God knows she can’t do it alone, without her ex*)  After they dance a bit, in which Tenley was actually letting go of the reigns and letting him lead, Jake tells her, “Every time we kiss my heart feels like it’s been on a treadmill.”  We end the saccharine date by hearing about how pure Tenley’s morals are… again.

And, for the date that I’ve been waiting for… Vienna.  The kiddos play pirate and prisoner about the ship that they filmed “Pirates of The Carribean” on.  Vienna insists he puts on an eye patch and say “arrgh.”  He pushes her off the plank with a bandanna on his head and plastic sword in another.  He tells the audience that he feels like a kid again when he’s with her.  Actually, in the beginning of the show he expressed concerns about her immaturity, but now it seems to be working for him.  (*hmmm…*)  Jake also claims, “Moreso than with any other girl we have natural affection for one another and that feels good.”  He continues, “It just works” and “She puts me at ease.” 

Vienna: I Love You... I Really Do... Hey, Big Boy... What do you think about my nightie?

At dinner, he wanted to investigate whether or not their connection was strictly sexual or not. Next thing we know, he’s asking her about the type of engagement ring she wants (*princess cut, thin band, and lots of bling*).  She asks him, “Can you see me as your wife?” After they chat about that possibility she tells him, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”   He seems to be most impressed her brutal honesty that she’s displayed from the get-go.  When he presents her with the card for “Fantasy Suite,” she asks him if he is a good cuddler (*yeah, right Vienna… that’s what you’re going to do… just cuddle! yeah, that’s why you brought a silk nightie in your purse*).  Before the romance begins, Jake tells us, “I just love everything about her.” After Vienna comes out in her slinky, sexy lingerie he says, “You’re amazing. I’m so crazy about you.”  We can only guess what happens after that.     

Ali: Jake... I've made a terrible mistake... please take me back. After all, I have your pictures on my nightstand right next to my pillow.

While Jake is getting ready for the rose ceremony, Ali calls. Jake basically ends up telling her that he’s progressed so much with the other three women that he just doesn’t know how he could go backward. He lets her down softly and anguishes for a second or two. He shares with the audience, “I’m so in love with these three women and I’m not in love with Ali.” He goes on to say about Vienna, “I think I’m in love with her.”

Before the big ceremony, Jake is presented 3 personal videos from the three remaining women.  To sum it up, Gia’s was plain akward.  Tenley’s was the predictable Cindarella to Prince Charming Goo-Goo-Gaa-Gaa honey dripping sap.  Vienna’s seemed authentic and like they had a true connection.  She tells him “You’re everything to me.”

When he greets the ladies he announces to the trio that he is in love with them all.  You should see the look on their faces!  Tenley is shattered for life because she probably thinks that Jake is cheating on her by not loving only her.  Vienna looks like she is going to burst out in tears.  Gia seems unaffected.  When he sends Gia home, they go for a private talk.  She handles the situation like such a lady and tells him that if he had chosen somebody who was not good enough for him, she would have had an issue with it.  But since he has chosen two great gals, she understands.  And, that’s the end of Jake and Gia.

Overall, the episode was predictable but does give some insight into how Jake falls for Vienna.  They do seem like they are good friends in addition to having amazing sexual chemistry.  Next week we get “The Bachelor Tells All” episode in which we get to hear all the juicy, behind-the-scenes gossip.  I’m dying to see the energy between Jake and Ali.  I’m still wondering if they are now dating in real life… just a hunch.

Stay tuned for next week’s review!

The “Blogiverse” is Still Chatting Away…

  
Before watching tonight’s show, I did a bit of investigating around the ”Blogiverse” to see if I could find out what’s going on with the girls remaining on the show and if the spoilers from last week are still believed to be true.  I found a rather dispairaging article about Vienna Girardi, but Chris Harrison comes to her defense in this response.  Sources also claim that after Vienna wins Jake’s heart and the final rose, they break up within 2 months after the ending of the taping of the show.

Off of the “scoop” and onto the recap…

Gia meets Jake in New York City, New York.  She decides to take him on a boat ride down the Hudson to show Jake “her city.”  She points out the Empire State Building and I wish I had a picture of his face to show you… it was almost like he was trying to be polite but at the same time saying “duh!”  Jake brings up her past relationships and she admits that her ex is a cheater-cheater, pumpkin eater who has bad communication skills.  They take about 1,000 photos of themselves on the boat and then head to a restaurant for dinner.  The entire restaurant thing makes me question what’s up with her family?  They usually always do the dinners in the home.  What secrets could Gia’s family be hiding?  At dinner are Gia’s Mom, Step-Dad, Step-Brother (*with some FUNKAY hair*), and her half-brother.  Somehow, Gia’s Mom’s makeup gets smeared and nobody bothered to mention it to her.  She has black streaks under her eyes during the entire meal.  (*that poor woman*) 

During Jake’s 1-on-1 time with Gia’s mother, she asks him how it is dating the four remaining women.  Jake confides that he’s fallen for all 4 of them.  This then poses her next question which is what makes her daughter so special.   

“It’s taken me a long time to get to know Gia and the one thing that I can honestly look you in the eye and honestly tell you is that she has a way about her.  It feels organic and there was an immediate chemistry.  She’s amazing.”

Meanwhile Gia is chatting with step-bro and she shares that she still has a big wall up around her heart because of past heartbreak (*who doesn’t?*).  Later Mom and Gia have a little heart-to-heart chat.  Mom tells Gia that she thinks Jake loves her.  Gia explains that she wants to be set apart from the other women (*again, who doesn’t?*)

Jake shares his feelings for Gia, “When she lets me in… Oh My God… I love this girl… I love this girl.”

(*uh-huh.*)

The next date is with Ali in Williamstown, Massachusetts.  Jake shares that he just wants to get close to her.  He sees her, kisses her, and tells her, “I missed you.”  They sit and look at the barren trees with the fallen leaves on the ground.  Ali tells Jake a story about her childhood in which she used to try to catch falling leaves before they touch the ground.   If she caught one, she would make a wish upon it.  So, he gets up and drags her to the only remaining tree with leaves yet still attached.  He violently shakes it and leaves begin to fall.  Ali desperately attempts to catch one and Jake grabs his.  They make their leaf-wishes and move on to deceased Grandma’s house.

At this “special place,” Ali shares about her relationship with her grandmother who was actually more like a mother to her (*I bet her mother will really appreciate hearing this*).  She walks Jake through the empty home and shows him a picture of Grandma on the fireplace.  Ali explains to Jake that Grandma wanted to meet him and that her spirit is living up there in the house.  She continues to say that Grandma has now accepted Jake into the family.  She ends by telling him that Grandma is in tears because she’s so happy looking down upon them.  (*time to call Zak and tape an episode of Ghost Adventures*)

Sappy leafs and stories later, they finally arrive at dinner.  They are greeted by Ali’s mom, sister and brother.  At dinner, Ali’s mom tells Jake that Ali is ”so compassionate” and has a “heart of gold.”  (*uh, wait until she sees her daughter rearing her ugly head when she attacks Vienna!*)  Ali’s mom asks the typical questions about what family means to Jake.  Of course, he gives the expected answer of family meaning everything to him.  Jake takes the opportunity to get Ali’s Mom’s blessing in the event he proposes to her daughter; she not-surprisingly says “yes.”  Apparently Gia and Ali have something in common other than their 3-letter names, they both have mothers with strong intuitions.  Ali’s mom says that she has a strong intuition that Ali will get a ring on her finger and that her intuition is almost never wrong.  (*maybe a Craker-Jack one?*)  Ali tells Jake that she wants to be with him and that she wants him.  She admits that if it’s her at the end, she would say “yes” and, for that matter, she’d say “yes” today if he asked.   Jake relays, “this could be the girl.”

We then travel to Newberg, Oregon where we get a toothache while watching Tenley’s date with Jake.  They take a walk in nature’s grandeur and Tenley is wearing the most God-awful boots that I’ve ever seen (*hurry, Fashion Channel, hurry!*).  This BEYOND-BORING couple discusses core values, morals and goals in life.  She asks him about his parents.  Then, she explains why she asked x, y, & z was because of the situation with her ex’s parents.  They then talk about being “a unit.” (*when will the torture end?*)  Tenley gushes, “Jake is not like my ex-husband (in that he wants to be a team).”  (*ooooggghhh… I think I’d have a better time scrubbing the toilet than watching this… *)

The torture sickens when we are now in Tenley’s dance studio where she insists upon exposing her soul to Jake via a dance she choreographed just for him.  Get this… her dance is to the song that they play at weddings when the people are all cruising down the aisle before “Here Comes The Bride” starts up.  She starts flittering around doing some sort of repetitive “lyrical” dance on her toes.  I honestly cannot recall who said this next doozie, but apparently she gave him an inside to her soul and he wanted to hold onto it.  (*are you freaking kidding me?  that’s the depths of her soul?*)  Tenley coos that it is so fun to have somebody to dance with forever.  (*is she on hallucinogenics?  was she raised solely on Disney films?*)

Finally we get to dinner aka WEEP FEST 2010.  Again Tenley talks about her ex-husband, “the man she loved and adored.”   She continues that the last time she saw her mother, she told her that he was not coming back.  (*sob*)  At this time we see the family’s super cool dog, which was my favorite part of the date night.  The family discusses how Jake got to witness the beauty that is Tenley when she dances.  He agreed and said, “it’s gorgeous!”  (*almost like thousands of ants crawling over my skin!*)  When Jake and Daddy-O-Tears talk, he reminds Jake that it’s only been one year since the divorce and that Tenley’s been doing a lot of grieving.  Yet, he compliments Jake and shares with him that Tenley would bring joy into a home.  (*what else?  I know!  A few bluebirds to land on the kitchen windowsill while she bakes apple pies.*)  Tenley and Daddy-O-Tears talk about the blessing that Jake is and they both start to cry (*again!*).  At this point, I think it was Tenley’s Mom who tells Jake that he should expect some “emotional spill-overs” for a while and then… guess…. oh, come on, you can do it… YES!  You’re right!  She started to cry!  Tears stream down her cheeks as she tenderly says, “She’s amazing and it’s a pleasure to be her mother.”  (*and we will live in a castle and live happily ever after*)

As if this date isn’t dragging on long enough, we get to sit through Jake asking Daddy-O-Tears, “Can I marry your daughter?”  Eventually he spits out his blessing but reminds Jake of the responsibility that it will bring and advises him that she is going to have to guard her heart so that her heart feels safe.  (*and, she can put on knee pads, a helmet, and elbow pads just to walk down the street*).  Tenley admits that she’s falling in love.  (*oh, isn’t that just the surprise of the night?*)

If you are still with me, and I’m doubting you are, we now move onto Sanford, Florida for Jake’s adventure with Vienna.  He greets her with a “How are you, Beautiful?”  She takes him down the river on a boat then takes him to meet the scary, ominous Daddy-Monster-Who-Will-Beat-You-Up-If-You-Mess-With-Me (*who is actually so sweet… love him!*).  Almost immediately, we’re in the motorcycle garage in which Daddy-Monster tells Jake that Vienna is serious now, she’s gone to school and that she’s not going to make 2 mistakes (*this is in regard to her other “oops” marriage*)  We get more tears at Vienna’s house when Vienna and Daddy-Monster cry and cry over seeing each other again.  There’s a gratuitous shot of Chloe the dog.  Vienna admits to her father that she’s never truly been in love before.  Then there was more “I missed you”-ing.

Back to the conversation with Jake and Daddy-Monster, he tells Jake that he isn’t too pleased that he’s dating 3 other girls and his daughter simultaneously.  Jake tells him, “I’m fallin’ hard.” 

“I’m glad about that… she’s my baby,” Daddy answers. 

Soooooo… at family conversation Jake and Vienna talk with the family about how all the women were giving Vienna a hard time.  Jake explains it as they were jealous because he and Vienna had an immediate connection from the start.  They all comment about how brutally honest Vienna is and how sometimes that’s taken by some people in the wrong way.  This leads to more discussion about her competitiveness.  At this point, I’m wondering if she’s really in love or competing to win.   We end the night with Jake saying, “I feel myself falling for Vienna.  You know it’s really awesome to feel this way about Vienna.  It’s also scary because it’s so real.”  Vienna ends her night telling the audience about the glow she now has from being in love that everybody in her family could see.  (*who needs Oil Of Olay when you have Jake?*)

If you’re still there… hang in for just a tad more…

Back in Beverly Hills, Jake prepares for the Rose Ceremony and ONCE AGAIN says, “I’ve fallen for all 4 women.”  (*icky poo poo*)  Ali arrives at the door (*as the spoilers predicted*).   She starts to cry, they land on the couch and she announces that she must make the impossible decision to stay or return to work.  She asks Jake to help her.  

Jake inquires, “So, what are you asking?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ali, life is about minimizing your regrets and you just have to weigh which one is going to be the bigger regret.  I can’t right now guarantee that I’m going to put a ring on your finger.  But, I can’t look you in the eye and tell you I’m not going to. “

She tells him that she’ll let him know her decision at the Rose Ceremony.

“Whatever you decide is okay,” he murmurs.

She departs, heads down the hotel hallway, and collapses to the floor in tears.  

Jake says, “All I can do is hope.”

(*the finger cramping from typing this long soap opera is kicking in*)

At the Rose Ceremony Jake admits, “I’m falling in love with more than one woman right now and I don’t know where that’s going to end up.”  (*how many times do we have to hear him tell us that he’s falling for all the women?  I think as many times as we have to hear about Tenley’s ex-husband.*)

The ladies arrive and Gia’s nervous giggle breaks the silence.  Ali asks Chris to take her to Jake.  It is here that they have the signature “non-exclusive legs-over-the-lap” position on the couch.  After Ali admits in a voice over that she’s finally met somebody “who was deserving of my love.”

Jake says, “If you’re in love with me, then you need to weigh that.”

“If you were mine, it would be easy, ” she replies.  She explains that if she quits her job and he doesn’t pick her then she leaves this experience with nothing.

“You weren’t on the line tonight,” Jake shares.  “Ali, I don’t want you to go.  I love the fact that I’m falling in love with you and I don’t want you to go.  If you choose to leave, I will be devastated.”

She whispers, “I love you.” (*but, she loves Facebook more*)

Chris Harrison pops in and lets them know that time is a’wastin’.  She says that she needs more time.  At this point she’s still crying and her hair is a complete disaster.  Ali finally says, “I have to go.  I’m so so sorry.”  Jake cries.  

Jake tells her at the limosine, “I feel like you are slipping right through my fingers and I don’t know how to stop you.”

After she leaves she tells the cameras, “I don’t know if I made the right choice.”  In thinking about this statement, the core essence o’woman in me thinks that if she was truly “the one,” Jake would have haulted taping to accomodate exploring this.  He didn’t.  Maybe he didn’t love her as much as he thought he did.  I think she made the right choice.  

It seems like moments later and Jake re-enters the Rose Ceremony with Chris Harrison.  His voice over tells the audience that he’s got 3 wonderful women there waiting for him and that if he gave up then, he wouldn’t deserve to find true love.  (*note to self… so that’s how guys move on!*)

Ali: Man? Job? Man? Job.

A thousand tears later…  she’s left the show. 

Gia: My mother will do a tarot card reading for you!

Had Ali not left the show, it is my prediction that Gia would have been the one to go. OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Tenley: Bring Kleenex if you come to dinner at my house.

She spent more time talking about her ex-husband than she has Jake.  OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Vienna: Daddy's girl gets caught making out on the bed with Jakie-Poo.

Could The Spoilers Be True?

  
It’s announced via the ”Blogiverse” that the winner of this season’s The Bachelor  is Vienna.  According to reality blogger sources which I read before tonight’s episode, Jake would be narrowing the field to Tenley, Gia, Ali and Vienna.  Sure enough, that’s what happened.  The spoilers say that Ali apparently bows out of the hometown date at some point, leaving Gia, Tenley and Vienna to vie for Jake’s heart.   The episode trailer for next week showed that there would be no rose ceremony.  This clip reflected that there was unexpected drama.  Could this rumor be true?  Does Ali leave him?  As I read on about the results of the show, it is speculated that Gia is tearfully sent home concluding in a finale decision between Tenley and Vienna.   It is rumored that that Tenley is chosen for the next “Bachelorette.”

Enough of the crystal ball and onto tonight’s recap…

Jake and the ladies settle in at the Intercontinental Hotel in San Francisco.    The gals share the “California Suite” and are rooming together.  The first date was a 1-on-1 with Tenley.  When she discovers that she is up first, she gets flustered and says, “Oh my gosh, my heart!”  (*it’s almost as if she is a real disney princess, I kid you not!*)  She expresses, “If he sends me home, I’ll be VERY VERY devastated.”  It made me wonder… can you really be that invested at that point in a dating relationship that you would be VERY VERY devastated  if you broke up?  I just can’t wrap my head around that comment! 

Jake gushes over Tenley’s innocent spirit and says that “… She’s so positive all the time.  It’s awesome!”  (*personally, i would become a diabetic around her constant sweetness*)  Jake also admits that he’s starting to fall for Tenley.  (*viewers are less shocked by this statement after we learn that he’s falling for everybody*) 

-back in the suite…

A date card arrives and Corrie opens it up.  She announces that the 2-on-1 date invite is for Ali and Vienna.  Our precious, kind, and ever-so-gracious Ali blurts out, “I feel sick right now.”  After Corrie gets a hardy-har-har, she admits that the true recipients are Gia and Vienna.  I bet Ali would have loved to have known this information before she showed her true self and opened her nasty mouth.   Vienna takes the opportunity to honestly  and considerately call Ali out on her crap-talking not only on this comment, but also those of the prior rose ceremony.  Our little Ali-cat LIES and claims that she didn’t say a thing.  Without losing her cool, Vienna tells her “I heard you, Ali.  I was standing right there.”  (*YES!  go Vienna!*) 

-meanwhile, on the date…

Jake and Tenley have a dinner discussion about what she would do differently if she were to remarry.  She admits that she wouldn’t take her husband for granted anymore.  She goes on to say that in her marriage she didn’t jump out of her chair to welcome her husband home.  (*OMG… OMG… you have got to be kidding me!  that’s all you did wrong?  no, he wanted out of the magic castle*)  The most interesting part of the date for me was when Jake said the most endearing thing, “A marriage is never perfect, but the love can be.”  In regards to Tenley’s ex-husband, he assures her, “Cheating is a choice.”  The duo takes a stroll around the tower to take in the view after dinner and FINALLY… the “On The Wings of Love” theme song plays in the background.  (*see?  i told you it was coming*)

Double-Dating In The Castle

The next day, Gia and Vienna are presented a trunk full of clothes to wear on their “castle date.”  The BFF’s take a limo to a winery in Napa called Castella di Amarosa.  On the winery sits an actual castle made of brick and stone.  In the castle-theme, Vienna gets ultra corny and says, “I’m my dad’s princess, Jake’s queen and he’s my Prince Charming.” (*really…?  you did not just say that!*)  Meanwhile, insecurity overcomes ultra-hot-bikini-model Gia and she shares, “Jake and Vienna are so tight.”  Apparently, this made her feel like a 3rd wheel.  While the 3 of them share a meal, Vienna finally lets Jake know about how crappy way Ali made her feel in the last rose ceremony.  Jake tells Vienna that it was his full intention to have her there and that there were reasons behind his decisions.  He flat out tells her, “I want you here.” 

Jake takes Gia off for a romp in the castle.  She admits her insecurities and Jake tries to soothe her by telling her that she is “drop dead gorgeous” and “I’m falling for you.” (*i told you, he’s falling for everybody*)   Gia whines about the fact that the putting-her-legs-over-his-lap-thing is not personal to the two of them because all the girls put their legs over his lap.  (*aaahhh… make it stop!*)  Then she asks him, “Is it okay to fall?”  His as-to-be-expected-answer is, “It’s okay to fall.”  (*who says this mushy gushy stuff on dates?  i would NEVER ask a guy that!*)

-while Gia & Jake make-out…

Vienna decides that she cannot wait any longer.  She grabs a lantern and goes on a castle-hunt for her man.  Even though she’s got an entire camera crew following her, she suddenly gets shockingly lost and cries out for Jake.  She’s lost in the darkness, is scared and not-alone.  “Jake.”  “Honey?”  (*honey?*)   After the commercial break while we all pray that she’s safe in the castle, she finds her man and interrupts the kissing.  They have some alone time in which she admits that it feels like a knife in her heart when she sees him with the other women and that she doesn’t want to share him.  (*we’ve never heard that before in 14 seasons of this show*)  He seems to really understand how she feels.  But, he’s put up some type of wall between them and watching this intimate moment feels awkward. 

-back in the suite…

Corrie’s date card arrives and states, “Love is a walk in the park. -Jake.”   The women goo, gush and giggle.

-meanwhile, at the castle…

Jake takes the women to their bedroom where they will stay the night.  (*i might add at this point that I was more interested in the awesome, pretty sheets and bedding than i was the drama going on… i’m telling you… great sheets!*)  Vienna can’t sleep knowing that Jake is downstairs in his bedroom alone.  She hijacks the trusty lantern and two glasses of red wine then she’s off for his lair.  Jake goes on record to state that she looked sexy and that he really did want to do bad things to Vienna, but that out of respect for Gia who is sleeping upstairs, he felt it best that they stay G-rated.  Gia fumes, “Vienna does things without thinking!”

The next day, Corrie and Jake head out for a date in the park.  Jake shares that things are moving too slow with Corrie and that he has expectations for the date.  Corrie tells that she is used to men pursuing her and that she likes to take it slow.  As the couple have yet to kiss, Corrie’s interview shows her saying that she likes the man to come 90% of the way and she 10% of the way for that kiss.  On the rowboat in the lake, Jake scoots in the for the kiss.  Corrie gives him the look…. and… nothing.  (*ribbit*)   The scene switches to Jake’s interview where he states that he feels a man should go 80% of the way and the lady 20%.  (*mathematical equations to kissing… hmmm… should go for the median and agree with 85%/15%?*) 

Corrie and Jake wrap up their date by having dinner at the Science Center.  It is here that Jake and Corrie attempt to get to brass-tacks and open up.  After discussing living together before marriage, Corrie basically tips him off by indicating that she’s saving herself for marriage.  Jake poses the follow-up question and it’s confirmed… Corrie is a virgin.  This makes Jake so very happy.  They finally kiss, which is basically a waste of energy because we all know that he won’t  pick her.

On Ali-Date-Day, Ali finally lets her hair down (*thank god!*)  She was to show him around her home town and favorite haunts of San Francisco.  I was completely and totally grossed out when she kept squealing as they strolled down the street about how happy she was.  She must have said it 100 times and I think we heard just about all of them.  If she wasn’t shrieking about that, the viewers had to endure her repetitive comments about how happy she was that he was in her home town with her.   Then she prods, “Do you like San Francisco?  Can you see yourself spending time here?”  (*it’s burning… it’s burning… make it stop!*)  The entire date, Jake is itching to confront Ali about being mean to his girl, Vienna.   He finally brings up the topic. and in fact says, “She’s so incredibly honest and goes out of her way to let me know that she’s here for me.”  Ali tries to save face by saying that she’s ready to let go of it.  (*how big of her!*)   Now that Jake is convinced that sweet Ali didn’t harm his Vienna, he makes her run into the cold ocean in her puss-n-boots black, leather boots.  All I can do is wonder why they didn’t stop and take their shoes off before they ran in the ocean.  Those boots made the outfit.  I was seriously disturbed. 

Finally, it’s rose ceremony time.  Jake takes Tenley away for the first private-time conversation.  As he dances with her, we hear his voice saying, “It’s not about sex appeal, it’s about heart appeal.”  Tenley pronounces, “I just want to stand out for you.”  He responds, “You do.” 

One by one, they all get there moments with Jake.  This is after he says aloud to the flock that he is falling for all of them.  Tenley is shaken to the core by this statement and can’t understand how she could be special to him at all  if he feels this way about everybody.  Saving his Vienna for last, Jake wisks her off to his private suite.  They go out on the balcony and he shares his romantic view of the city with her.  What I admired the most about Vienna at this juncture in the journey is that she asks him  “How are you doing?”  It appears that she sincerely means it.  He opens up to her because she is his safety girl.  Of course, they kiss and Jake’s voice over tells the viewers that he has been pulling himself back from her, that he doesn’t want to do that anymore, that he wants to fall into her, and that he’s ready to turn that corner.  (*hmmm… makes you wonder about dem rumors*)  Vienna tells the cameras that, at this point, she just wants Jake to be happy.

Ali: Trying to figure out a way to remove the foot from the mouth.

I’m still not liking Ali… in fact… I really dislike her immensely at this point.  Outcome:  She’s staying. 

Even though she finally got that 1-on-1 time, it was just too late for them.  I think that she was right when she told the cameras that, had he not been dating 4 other women, if they dated it would have had a completely different outcome.   RESULT:  Sent packing. 

Gia: How can you be a bikini-model and be insecure? I'm missing something here. She's a smart girl, too! What's up with her?

After Jake tells her that she’s completely different from all of the other ladies in the house, she really falls for him.  After all, he said it was okay. OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Tenley: Please God... PLEASE!!!! Don't let her be the next Bachelorette!

Last week I predicted that she’ll be in the final two.  I’m holding onto that prediction and taking extra insulin.  OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Vienna: Whether she's the winner or not, there's just something about her that I just kinda dig! But, don't leave her alone in a castle!