You Just Can’t Write This Stuff…

The Consummate Gentleman

Even though there is still lingering press about Rozlyn the cheater-cheater-pumpkin eater, I was excited to see and new and dramatic  episode of The Bachelor-On the Wings Of Love (*i keep waiting for them to play “on the wings of love” by jeffrey osborne… maybe at the end of the season?*)  Jake manned-up this week in his solid decisions.  Simultaneously, he displayed that he is a gentleman in the way that he kindly communicated with the ladies whom he sent home.  He really seems to be a stand-up guy and I must admit that I’m so curious as to who he will propose to.

The first date was a 1-on-1 with Vienna (*you may fondly remember her as the one who has ‘mommy and me’ dates with her dogs*).  Both dressed casually, they take off on his motorcycle to his pad.  Like any normal date, as they sit on the grass in his hillside backyard, a helicopter suddenly lands to wisk them away.  Why do these women act so surprised when the helicopters come?  They do this every season!  They are off to the hills and suddenly land on a bridge.  She scolds Jake and basically tells him, “Oh, you’re not going to make me go bridge jumping are you?”  It ends up that the both of them have a severe fear of heights and are obviously and outwardly terrified (*jake explains that this has nothing to do with flying because in a plane, you’re enclosed*).   Talk about white knuckles… Jake actually had them clinging onto the bridge wall.  Jake tells Vienna, “I don’t think I can do this.”  She comforts him.  Eventually, off they go and they have their first kiss while hanging upside down and hanging by a cable.  This entire event brought them closer as Jake describes this as “overcoming your fears as a couple.”  Later that night, they watch the sunset with white wine, eat sushi/drink sake, and hit the hot tub with strawberries.  Plenty of kissing going around on this date and Vienna scores herself a rose.  In the Vienna’s after-video she shares, “The best day of my life ever is the day that I marry Jake.” (*like that’s going to happen.. not!*)

Jake & Vienna... they seem to have fun together.

Back home at the ranch, the gals have unilaterially decided that Vienna is not worthy of a rose and will not receive one.  When she floats in on her cloud, everybody is ticked off that she has returned.  Ali is the most aggressive about it and it’s obviously rooted in jealousy.   I’m starting to wonder about that “sweetheart” Ali.

The next date was a group date that included Corrie, Elizabeth, Ali, Tenley, Ashleigh, Jessie, Kathryn and Michelle.  They went to the John Lovitz Comedy Club down at Universal City.  It is here that the ladies discover that they are to perform a comedy routine of their choice on stage.  Some were good sports, but Ashleigh nearly has a nervous breakdown over her stage fright.  She goes on to brag about her normal “poker face” while tears are streaming down her cheeks.  (*o.k.???*)  Jake takes pity upon the lass and furnishes her with jokes to tell.

As the ladies take turns taking the stage before an unexpected live audience, Jake learns that Elizabeth is a total potty mouth and gives the most raunchy routine of them all.  (*remember, she is the one with morals that prevent her from kissing Jake*)  Tenley does the human pretzel trick (again).  Corrie hits the stage and delivers imitations of the ladies in the house.  While improvising, she gets to beat up on Vienna who isn’t even there to defend herself.  (*corrie, that’s chicken-sh#t in my book*)  It made me feel sad… like Vienna is the wounded puppy.  The result of this routine is that Jake now thinks that the girls are seeing a side of Vienna that he is not.

The winner for the most tacky routine of the night goes to Michelle who makes comments about the palm trees on the stage not having coconuts because they’re on her chest.  She tops off this cricket chirping joke with describing how she’s on this green stage almost like a golfing green.  She proceeds to deliver the punch line, “I’m just waiting for that hole to get my 1-on-1.”  The crowd literally boo’d her.  Jake looked stunned. 

Later at The Roosevelt Hotel in L.A., they had a roof-top cocktail party.  This is when poor Jake is dumped on.  In what way?  It was one emotional, hormonal, and catty woman after another.   He endures listening to Ashleigh beat up on Vienna and Ali doing the same.  (*ali… what’s up your hair always looking unkept?*)  This must have hurt Jake because he had such a solid, fun date with Vienna.  Tenley finally gets some alone time with Jake and scores some wet smackaroolies.    Meanwhile, the women are just continuing to talk about others behind their backs.  They decide to make a toast to how great it is that Corrie “showed Jake what Vienna was really like” during her lame imitation.  They ask Michelle to partake in the toast and she proclaims, “I came here to find love and get married.”  The perplexed ladies wondered what that had to do with female solidarity.  Ali then gets into an argument with Michelle. (*i’m starting not to like miss ali anymore*). 

In better days, he once believed her despite Jillian and Ed's warnings.

When Crazy Michelle gets her 1-on-1 time with Jake, she starts off with tears and complaining about the ladies ganging up on her.  She reminds him that she’s there for love and that she “really, really, really want(s) a husband.”  (*note to michelle: you don’t say that on a date*)  He replied that he knew she did.  She then asks Jake to kiss her, just for her, so that she knows if there is a connection or not.  He puckers up and she EATS HIS FACE!  It was horrifying to watch, so I can only imagine the agony that Jake was in.  After the torture she scolds him, “You gotta give me something more than that!  Are you kidding?  That was nothing.”  My jaw dropped, but Jake kept his composure.   It was more than evident that he was Mt. Saint Helens ready to blow, but he kept his calm.  She then tells him that she can’t stay, that is unless he really wants her to, then she will.   He reminds her that this is the second time that she’s mentioned leaving and looks at her and says, “Michelle, I just think it would be better if you did leave.”  

“I can’t believe you’re doing this!  I really didn’t think it was going to be this way.  This is stupid,”  Michelle mouths off.     The girls are practically ready to start doing cheers that she’s departing as Jake walks her out.  Upon her departure, she proclaims that not being able to really kiss him hurts her.  (*yeah, that was it!*)  To the audience she shares in her exit interview, “he kicked me to the curb and I had no clue.  He gave me a peck.  What is that all about?  Jake’s not for me.  Everybody felt… certain people felt   I was the girl for him.”  I breathed a sigh of relief when she got in the van and they drove her away.   Thank goodness that we’re done watching that train wreck.

The final 1-on-1 date is with my girl Ella.  Surprise, surprise… another helicopter shows up.  They are wisked off to Sea World, one of the date sites of Trista and Ryan Sutter.  Jake brings Ella’s son out to meet them for the day at Sea World and surprises her.  It was like a repeat of the Jason/Stephanie birthday surprise thing.  They seemed to have a great day and Jake did make a good connection with her son.  It appears as though he is truly interested in her.  I felt bad that she put so much time into straightening her hair just to get soaked at Sea World and have it go all curly on her.  She scored the rose and I think Jake is certain about this pick.

The scene of the crime where she dangled the kissing carrot.

Finally we arrive at the rose ceremony… When Jake sits with Elizabeth he calls out her behavior by telling her that she’s the Queen of Mixed Signals.  He shares with the audience in a audio overlay that Elizabeth was all over him with her body and trying to claim that she didn’t want to kiss him for moral reasons.  (*i like it when jake puts 2 and 2 together*)  Elizabeth tries to defend herself by saying that she knows herself and she has a jealous side.  This explanation didn’t match up with the whole “moral” story she told on the last date.  He then goes on to tell her that he’s had friends who don’t kiss until they marry for spiritual reasons and told her that he didn’t believe that this was the case with her.  She agreed.  Then, he outright calls her out on teasing him on the bench under the fireworks.  Vienna interrupts their discussion and Elizabeth storms off to cry her woes to the gals.  She literally twists his words around and tells them that he is upset with her because she won’t kiss him.  (*uh… NO!*)  She then tells the camera that Jake best remember that she’s still choosing him, that she’s 29 years old and not married because she deserves only the best.  (*please make it stop because my ears are hurting*)   Jake explains that she dangled the kiss like a carrot and basically made it sound as though he couldn’t kiss her until she got a ring.  He believes that Elizabeth doesn’t have herself figured out yet and that it’s not about who’s in control but rather it’s about falling in love.  (*touche*)

 The results of the rose ceremony are as follows:

She asks Jake after she doesn't get the rose, "What happened? I should have kissed you?" She tells the camera on the way out that she thought they were "advancing as a couple."

Enough said.  Outcome:  Sent packing.

Ali: Maybe not the sweetheart we all thought she was...

I’m so disappointed in her behavior and attitude in tonight’s episode.  I originally thought she’d make the final three and she still might.. but she doesn’t get my vote any more.  Outcome:  She’s staying. 

Ashleigh – I cry at the thought of delivering comedy on stage.

Ashleigh spoke unkindly about Vienna.  Despite wasting her 1-on-1 time with Jake by discussing others, Jake picked her for the top 9.  OUTCOME: She’s staying.

Corrie: Imitating the ladies was her comedy sketch.

Just like last week, Corrie flew under the radar.  I’m still wondering if they will ever make a connection because it seems they don’t spend a good amount of time together, at least not on camera. OUTCOME:  She’s staying. 

Ella: My Favorite Out The Gate & Still The One!

She’s a lovely person who was completely focused on being with Jake during their time together.  I truly believe she is there for him and he’s 100% sure about giving her a rose.  OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Gia: The only defender of Vienna and the only one gracious enough to accept an apology.

Gia surprised me tonight by showing that she has an open mind and forgiving heart.   Other than me staring at her lips and wondering if they have injections, I like her.   OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Jessie: In the room, but we didn't hear a word.

I’m almost curious is she will be one to go next week because they spend absolutely no time on her interaction with Jake (same as Corrie).  Yet, she gets a rose, again.  What is the connection and when will the viewers get to share in it?  OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Kathyrn: A Cheery Flight Attendant

Still subdued, but obviously having a great time on the group date.  He obviously likes her, because she scored a rose.  OUTCOME:  She’s staying. 

Michelle: The Crazy From The O.C. who's motto is, "I came here to find love and get married."

Dear God, 

Will you please send Michelle a husband because it’s her turn and she will obviously die without one.  Everybody in her family has somebody, so you know that it’s her turn now to give her mom another grandbaby. 

Thank you,

Sheri

OUTCOME: She’s OUT THE DOOR!  

Tenley: Still talking about her forever lost and wasted virginity.

Tenley finally gets the opportunity to tell Jake about her failed marriage.  After she gushes tears about it, she goes from feeling like a victim to saying that she doesn’t regret it because it’s a part of who she is today.  Huh?  OUTCOME:  She’s staying.

Valisha: No date this week...

Valisha doesn’t get a date this round.  I’m guessing that is the only reason why she didn’t get a rose (while Ashleigh did).  OUTCOME:  Sent packing.

Vienna: For no apparent reason, the most picked-on woman in Bachelor history.

I don’t see why the women are attacking her.  The only thing that I saw that she did that was questionable is when she interrupted Jake and Elizabeth.  Frankly, I’m glad that she did because I needed a barf bag watching Elizabeth’s poor acting job.  OUTCOME: She’s staying.

 

Stay tuned for next week’s review! 

 

For prior week’s recaps:

 

Season Premiere – January 4th, 2010

January 11th, 2010

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