Tuesday, Oct 13, 2009

Dancing With the Stars October 12, 2009: 11 Couples Compete

LOUIS VAN AMSTEL LOOKS LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON?

PUT THE KIDS TO BED EARLY, DEREK & JOANNA ARE ON.

CARRIE ANN & BRUNO TURN THEIR BACKS ON LEN!

I think I know that once we get the pack thinned out that I will enjoy this show much more.  There are far too many couples still in the running and the 2-hour show is entirely too long for me.  It used to be that 2 hours of dance was just what the doctor ordered.  But, this season it has felt more like getting my teeth pulled.  I’m not sure if I can continue to watch and review such a lengthy display of egos.  Really, I’m not sure.

This week, the producers decided to spice things up by introducing new dances.  Rather than making it more exciting, it just repelled me.  We’ve grown accustomed to the Paso Doble, the Waltz, and the Quickstep.  Why must we now introduce the Bolero (*yawn… it looks just like a Rumba*)?   I needed either more snacks or more wine to make it through tonight’s episode.

Some initial observations:

Here’s my nagging  and praising for this week’s couples:

 Thank God he has decided not to cry on national television in front of millions of viewers this week.  Sissy-La-La-Pants-Boy needed to grow some huevos rancheros for this week’s Lambada.  It’s too bad that he couldn’t take his anti-spaz pills before the show.  A Xanax (or 2) might do him some good.  The lad needs to calm down and just enjoy dancing with Karina.  Yet, he spent a good portion of the week perfecting his acrobatics to do a big flip in the opening sequence.  I agree with Len that it was a huge mistake because he needed to focus more on learning the dance and less gymnastics.  Add the hyper-activity to the strange Elvis-ish costume (*mind you… with a gold belt!*) and you have a complete disaster.  Len felt that the dance wasn’t “raunchy” enough, Bruno thought he needed to grow up as he performed, and Carrie Ann said that he needed to “chill out.”  I bet he did cry… just not on camera.  But, maybe another reassuring hug from Michael Irvin will make him feel better.

Scores: 6-6-6 – Total 18.

I want to make out with Chuck Liddell.  Then, I want to do the Rumba with him.  He’s probably married.  DARN! 

They had the Country 2-Step, which… by the way… isn’t it called the “Texas Two Step?”  After you get over the stupid attempted-roping garbage at the beginning of the routine, you have to suffer with Anna’s hairdo for the remainder of it.  It was like Lucille Ball meets Dolly Parton.  Their routine was out of sync in several areas and contained way too many unnecessary lifts.  Although Carrie Ann told Chuck, “…you never let the dance beat you,” I felt he was beat.  And, this makes me sad.  I heart Chuck.  Bruno and Len were gracious in their comments and let their scores speak for themselves. 

Note:  The entire time they were being interviewed backstage with Samantha, I couldn’t stop staring beyond them at Louis Van Amstel in his freaky make-up, staring at the camera. 

Scores: 6-5-6 – Total 17 (same exact scores as last week) 

As I mentioned last week, this couple has the wardrobe department in donuts or good ole’ cash bribes.  Their costumes always surpass those of their competitors.  For the most part, their Charleston was in sync and well performed.  It was, in fact, my favorite Charleston of the evening.  Donny and Bruno did their flirting:

Bruno: “Donny!”

Donny: “Bruno!”

Bruno: “Donny!”

Donny: “Bruno!”

Enough!  We know your names.  Donny, you are so not gay!  Let’s drop the Bruno-flirting-thing. 

Scores: 8-8-8 – Total 24 (1 pt. higher from each judge over last week)

Maks has officially left his body and entered Derek’s.  I cannot get over the enormity of Derek’s ego this season.  It makes me want to hurl my drink at the television!  After Derek gets to play with his Barbie during rehearsal all week, he announces to the cameras that he has “the best job in America.”  Uh.  Duh!  So…. a few seconds later we watch Derek take his shirt off and try to boast his scrawny little frame.  He’s really no stud at all.  If you missed the show, don’t worry… you didn’t miss much.  He and JoAnna do their best imitation of sex on the dance floor in this horrific Lambada.  The shock value gave them some high scores.  Personally, I just wanted to forget I ever saw it.  That impression of Derek acting like Maks and attempting to man-handle JoAnna was just too much for my eyes to handle.  You should have seen their strange ending, sex pose.  Revolting!  Len liked the choreography.  Bruno warned viewers, “Don’t try this at home!”   Carrie Ann had the line of the night with, “I hope the children were in bed.”  (Tom Bergeron replied with, “I bet some of the adults are now, too.”)  Nothing about that performance made me feel turned on at all!  Then, there was all this talk about the Lambada being a dance ruled by the crotch and the judges said “crotch” way too many times.  I want to watch a good clean show and now they are littering it with the word “crotch” over and over again!  What has this world come to? (*And, I’m not even a prude!*)

Scores: 9-8-9 – Total: 26

What in the world is going on with these two?  First, Kelly convinces him to wear make up (*something about Joel Grey???*).   Later, she is laying on his lap in the red room and we can see this over and over whenever couples go back to talk to Samantha.  AND… when one couple was on-camera with Samantha, Louis is in the background making hand gestures and goofing off for attention.  Are they on some kind of mystical drug?  The rehearsal video just went on and on about Kelly not getting the lead role in Chicago.  O.K., so she’s no Roxy.  So what?  Apparently, she didn’t get the role because she couldn’t dance.  And, this Charleston that they did tonight was supposed to make up for that?  Uh… NO!  The judges were still complimenting her growth and increase in confidence.  The dance was good.  Not great, but good. 

Scores: 8-7-8 – Total: 23

What a disaster!  I’m so bummed.  I really like this couple.  Chelsie’s attempts to make Louie “man-up” were fruitless.  Len put it perfectly, “Louie, it was just a series of walks and then you stopped and Chelsie did something.. and then you walked on again.”  It’s true.  Len was right.  Chelsie’s moves could not mask Louie’s inability to dance the 2-step.  Carrie Ann summarized it right by saying, “… a little too much shuffling going on.”  Darn!  I really like this couple!  Darn!  Darn!  Darn!  But, I did like visiting Ty Murray on the ranch.  My daughter couldn’t stop cracking up at Louie’s attempts to Cowboy-Up!

Scores: 5-5-6 – Total 16. (5 points down from last week… not good!)

Mark needs to stop thinking so much when he dances.  Lacey did her best to loosen up this A-type personality this week.  I think it showed.  He was more relaxed.  (*Oh, and he has the prettiest wife and cutest kids EVER!*)  The routine was classic Lacey and she did her usual cute & flirty thing.  It was a good dance, however it wasn’t the stand-out of the night… unfortunately. 

Solid Scores: 8-7-7 – Total 22 (4 points up from last week)

While his BFF, Derek Hough, is busy with his best Maks impersonation, Mark is busy acting like a total fame-monger-wanna-be-star-goofball.  What has happened to him?  Has his pseudo fame gone to his head, too?  Poor Melissa!  They did the beginning of their Charleston routine in black & white.  The routine was fine.  She did step up to the plate and provide a stronger performance than the ones we’ve seen from her previously.  I would have liked to see her really bend her knees more and dig into the floor… really get into the movement.  But, she made a vast improvement over the prior weeks.  The judges gave lovely remarks and encouraged her to continue on.  (*Personally, I really didn’t think it was that good…*)

Scores: 9-9-10 - Total: 28 (Are you kidding me?  A score so close to Mya & Dmitry’s dance?  COME ON!) 

I fear this is Michael’s last week.  They picked the short straw and got the Bolero.  In hopes of redeeming themselves, they brought in “World Champion” Tony Dovalani for assistance.  Despite Tony’s efforts, his coaching really didn’t help all that much.  Like Carrie Ann said, their performance was definitely, “Step, step, step… pose.”  Michael did his best.  Yet, something was just missing.  I can’t put my finger on it.  Bruno said, “Your dancing is like the economy.  Every week it’s supposed to go up, but nothing happens!”  Yep.  That’s about it.  It’s too bad because I also like Michael.  I had hoped for much more out of him. 

Scores: 5-6-5 – Total 16.

Len is NUTS!  He has some kind of serious problem with this couple.  For the 2nd week in a row, he’s denied them the score they EARNED!  And, he wasn’t even being Len-Poopy-Pants this week.  He did admit that he’s holding Mya to a higher standard.  But, this is getting to be ridiculous!  After their amazing Lambada (*which, by the way, put Derek & JoAnna’s to SHAME!*), Len just rained on their parade.  I don’t get it.  What has his knickers in a bunch?  Bruno shouted something that I didn’t quite get, but it was something along the lines of, “Erotic, exotic roller coaster that you’d want to ride over & over & over again!”  I agreed with Carrie Ann that Mya was “on fire!” 

The weirdest thing about their routine was that they each had rubbed some type of oil all over their bodies.  They looked like they’d been dumped in a vat of Crisco.  It was GRODY-TO-THE-MAX!

Scores: 10-8-10 – Total: 28

 They did such an awesome job tonight with their Bolero.  She looked stunning and some of her moves were just amazing.  She could have been mistaken for a professional dancer, she was that good!  Her flexibility is insane and I just wish the best for her.  Bruno went on and on about Natalie being like Sharon Stone, Carrie Ann was on the fence, and Len said that it had “the most beautiful lyrical movements.”  I thought it was lovely and maintain that this is a semi-finalist in the making!  Come on, Natalie… YOU CAN DO IT!  

Scores: 9-9-10 – Total: 26.

 Tuesday, October 13th:  The Results Show Will Be Aired on ABC

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