Friday, Jul 10, 2009

The Writer’s Block: An Invisible Woman

In great hopes that my girlfriend doesn’t read this article, I have to share that I am so annoyed and completely disgusted at this guy at the gym. Let me tell you why and what it has to do with my girlfriend… let’s call her “Jane.”

Jane and I have been friends for 3 years, give or take a few months.  She has a daughter that is the same age as the twins who is just all kinds of spunky and cool.  We’ve done school events, sports teams, and girl scouts together.  Our kids now go to different schools and we don’t run into each other as much as we used to. 

For the record, please know that Jane is GORGEOUS.  She’s the “hottest” friend I have.  She is a runner and has this tremendous body.  But, let me tell you… she works really hard on it.  She is dedicated to her diet and her exercise.  She looks absolutely fantastic… blonde, tan, nice rack, and a gorgeous face to match it all.  So, whenever I go out with Jane, she gets a ton of male attention.  They can’t help it.  After all, they are the weaker species and they just can’t help that auto-response, neck twisting reaction they get in the presence of a smokin’ hot babe.  I pity those poor boys… having no control over their bodies and all.

99% of the time, I really don’t mind being in her shadow, although I do have periodic flashbacks of when I was the hot blonde bombshell in my 20′s and how I used to be able to turn heads.  As I face my 40′s, I feel somewhat comfortable with my fading looks, but I do miss my body.  There is nobody but myself who can change that and I have nobody to blame but myself for not maintaining that body.  Well, except for my thyroid. (*Hello? Thyroid, are you reading this?  Wake up!  Kick in!*)

So, back to Jane.  When she went through a separation with her husband and the beginnings of her divorce, we spent a good amount of time together.  She was newly single and we could hang out with the kids as a group of girls.  It was during this time that she and I really connected.  She wasn’t just a pretty face and a set of long legs.  She was a really good mom, funny, smart, and a great conversationalist.  We did that female bonding thing and I am glad to call her my friend, especially when she makes her famous margaritas. 

Jane met the guy of her dreams and fell in love.  I am happy for her, but soon I guess I grew tired of being the 3rd wheel.  They started to meld families and we started spending less time together.  Let me tell you that I am completely okay with this and I totally get what falling in love does to your social schedule.  Since then, we’ve been really bad about getting together. She called me the other day with a last minute invite to meet her at the gym.  I told her, “Sure!” and met her there within the hour.  The invite was just the “push” I needed for the day. (*Take that, stomach!*) 

As she ran like a million miles on the treadmill next to me, I huffed and puffed my way through 2.5 miles in 45 minutes.  She suggested that we work out our arms thereafter.  I’m dripping wet and looking less than fresh and she looks like she’s… well… glowing, actually!  (*maybe if I steal her DNA and implant it in me?*)  We head over to the benches by the free weights AKA “Testerone Land.”  Within 10 minutes of being there, this guy comes up and starts working out next to us.  She knows him.  It never fails… every time we are at the gym together, that man magically appears and is magnetically connected to her… whoosh… he slides across the floor and lands next to her.  With her shiny diamond engagement ring, she smiles and is always polite in response to his small talk.  Despite the fact that she’s taken, he is constantly flirting with her.  This day in particular, he remarks, “Jane, now what did you do to those sexy legs of yours?”  (Note: she scraped her shin in the pool).  He barrages her with continuous comments about how she’s “A 12, not a 10.”   Loving her fiance, she always makes the perfect reply about looking good for her man, gently reminding him that she’s taken.  But, he’s never ending in his quest and won’t give up.

Now, here’s the thing that kills me.  I’ve been introduced to him on multiple occasions.  I swear to you that every time we run into him, he acts like I am not there!  If I’m talking to her, he interrupts me and takes over the conversation, completely shutting me out.  Poof!  He’s made me invisible and therefore doesn’t need to include me in the conversation.  RUDE!  I send the mental message, “Dude, she does not want you, give up your pipe dreams and stop interrupting us!”  But, no… he persists… he cannot hear the invisible woman.  Jane then mentions that her car was acting up and he rushes across the gym floor to bring her a mechanic to meet her who will look at her car for free.  He’s unstoppable in his pursuit.

You know, it’s bad enough that I have such unbearable self-doubts about my looks and my curves.  But, as this man treats me like the completely-forgettable-invisible-woman-who-doesn’t-even-deserve-the-courtesy-of-a-hello, it just sends my insecurities into hyper-drive.  I mean, what is wrong with this guy?  Why do I even let this DUDE get to me?  I start my full-blown assault of mental daggers.  AHA!  YAH!  Take that! And, that!

Just when all hope is gone and the daggers have yet to destroy him, he turns to me and tells me that he hasn’t seen me in the gym in a long while.  Then, he asks me how I’ve been.   What?  Huh?  Who me?  Why yes… yes…. he is speaking to me.  Through the shock, I being to melt my mean exterior.  Well, now that he is talking to me, he can’t be a complete dog after all.  Hmmm…. perhaps a second chance should be given?  Now, I’m not saying he doesn’t need to sharpen his social skills because he does need to learn to be polite to all of the ladies… but, he’s not as bad as I thought after all.  It just takes a while for the male species to notice the invisible women.  (*are my eyes still green?*)

All of this makes me wonder… for all of the thoughts that I have about being ignored or overlooked, I wonder if Jane has thoughts running through her mind about being pestered when she just wants to enjoy her “girl time” or “alone time.”  Does she sit there while doing the arm curls and throw her mental daggers at gym guy, too?  Like… does she think, “Dude, just blow off!” ???  As much as I am haunted by my insecurities about my fat rolls, age spots and acne… I wonder… does she have equivalent thoughts?  Does she ever tire of being hounded by men?  Or, does it only make her day better when she receives such positive male feedback?   Has she ever been an invisible woman?  And, if so, would she ever go back?

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