Tuesday, Jul 7, 2009

The Bachelorette: The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For… Wes Is Gone!

Say what you want about Wes, but one thing is for sure… he’s given ABC ratings out the butt with his ridiculous mouth.  Maybe they encouraged Jillian to keep him around… RATINGS  RATINGS RATINGS.  But, if they didn’t, they sure hit paydirt with this scumbag.  I see a SNL sketch coming on…  I think the one thing that stuck out the most at the intro to the show was the announcer saying, “Will Jillian finally get rid of Wes?”  This!!!  Not, “This will be the mose dramatic rose ceremony yet.”  Cracked me up!

Before the train-wreck that is Wes, let’s start out with her dates in Spain.  Her first date was with Kiptyn in Madrid, Spain.  It was a nice date.  They went for a walk in the park and learned some Flamenco dancing.  Kiptyn is such a good sport because he looked like such a goon in his dancing outfit.  I give him an A+ for effort and being a good sport!  The producers played a funny on the duo when they sent them escargot to their table.  Neither one of them seemed to want to try it.  It was endearing.  (BTW:  I’ve eaten it.  It’s not that big of a deal… tastes like garlic to me.)  The fantasy suite card comes and she turns down the opportunity to take the opportunity with Kiptyn.  Although, they did visit it and snuggle for a bit.  I think this was a smart move on her behalf for a lot of reasons.  I think she needs to narrow the field more before she gets in her comfies and snuggles the night away.. or… you know.

Next is her date with Reid in Sevilla, Spain.  Gorgeous city.  I loved the tour via the television show.  I recognized some of the buildings and statues from when I reviewed The Lost Diary of Don Juan.  The couple went shopping and purchased goodies for a picnic.  They laughed all day.  Jillian had full-on googlie eyes for Reid at dinner and I think that she secretly wanted him to be more insistent about the fantasy suite after she turned down the opportunity.  She seemed really more at peace within her own skin with Reid on this date. 

The next date was with Ed and it was also in Sevilla, Spain.  They went on a carriage ride and just made-out all day long.  They ended up in the middle of a fountain making out and spectators were gawking.  I say… “COOL FOR YOU!  GO FOR IT!”  After some lengthy discussion about the fantasy suite, they decide to take the opportunity so that they could spend more time together to “catch up.”  She made a point about them “sleeping in their clothes,” etc. for the cameras.  I loved it when they were snuggling in bed together (albeit atop the covers) and he says to her, “You’re my favorite part of Spain.”    Ed… you are the sweetest…

Then we move onto her date with Wes in Barcelona, Spain.    It is here that I start rolling my eyes with disgust and frantically scribbling away.  Can he really be that stupid?  Yes, he can!

So, he starts off by telling the cameras:

“I don’t know much about the music scene in Barcelona.  But, uh, I had a song on my 2nd album that was actually #1 in Chihuahua, Mexico.  So, I feel at home living around Spanish people.”

WHAT THE F$%! ?????  YOU MORON!  2 DIFFERENT CONTINENTS!

After he was “ready to localize with the people,” they meet up for some bicycle riding.  She’s being all fun and flirty and tells him, “You look cute on a bike.”  His response?  “Yeah, I know.”

UH… COULD YOU BE ANY MORE IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF?

They stop for a little picnic in a gazebo and he’s feeding her a bunch of lines.  As he’s telling her how “perfect” she is, he is sitting totally apart from her.  She’s telling the cameras that she’s not feeling any romance with him and he’s exhibited a total lack of affection.  She gives him every opportunity, but he’s plainly pulling back.  She brings up the possibility of a move to be together if she ended up chosing him at the end of the show.  She asks him if he’d move to Vancouver to be with her for a couple of years.  He chokes.  Uh.. “NO” is his non-verbal answer.  She asks him if he’d move somewhere in the middle between Austin and Vancouver so they could be together.  Houston, we have a problem!  Uh… “NO”  is his next non-verbal answer.   She decides to leave the rest of the questions for dinner.

At dinner, he arrives in another one of his lame cowboy shirts.  I mean, does he only wear those shirts and nothing else?  He feeds her a compliment about her dress and totally soaking up her return compliment.  ICKY!  She finally gets to the questioning.  She practically tears up when she brings up the fact that he hadn’t kissed her all day on their date.  He looks at her with disdain (even though I doubt he knows what that word means).   His next brilliant expose of his feelings for her in the conversation is….

“I’m not here to hurt you, but I’m going to be true to myself.   Because, you know, Numero Uno is most important here.”

DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?

UHH… YES.  YES, HE DID!

She continues to inquire about his alleged girlfriend, Laurel.  She eventually prods him to tell her what he told Jake so that she could defend herself and her decisions.  He says…

“My girlfriend… I mean, ex-girlfriend…”

He’s messing this up on purpose.  He’s done with the publicity and wants to go home! 

Then, the fantasy suite card arrives.  His response (mind you, after this bomb of a date)..

“Uh, I think we should, actually.”

OH NO!  HE DID NOT!

UHH… YES.  YES, HE DID!

So, now it’s finally clear to her… his motives, his secrets, his stupidity.  She expresses to the cameras that she is aware that he does have something to hide and now he’s showing it.  Further, it is clear to her that he’s riding this out for his career.  As she sends him home in a taxi (of which, I’m sure he re-routed to local bars to hit on girls or try to sell his CD’s), she expresses that he didn’t need this show to be succesful in his career.  She says, “He didn’t need this, but I need this.  I need this for me and I don’t need anybody to keep this away from me.”  Despite all of his bullcrap, she feels sorry for him.  

It’s time for the rose ceremony and Jillian shares with the audience, “I can also tell you that I’ve never been more sure at a rose ceremony of who I have to send home.”  THANK GOD!  FINALLY!  I wished at that moment that she would have chosen Michael to enjoy Spain with instead of THE WAD!

So, picture the four guys lined up awaiting her arrival.  3 of the 4 of them are in dark suits and look freakin’ awesome.  THE WAD is wearing his typical brown jacket, jeans and boots.  He’s dressed to impress for when he goes out trolling for Spanish chicks later, you see?  (Because, they might have been in Chihuahua, Mexico and heard his Numero Uno single!)  So, Kiptyn says to the guys, “If it’s me, keep it real for me, would you?”  And, just how do you think that THE WAD O’ WES replied?

“If it’s me… you boys know that I will be back home having lots of sex.”

He’s the kind of son that every mother wants.

You should have seen the expression on Reid’s face at that moment!  Priceless!

So, she hands out the roses… Ed, Reid and then…

Kiptyn wishes Wes good luck, or something along those lines.  Wes tells Kiptyn, “It ain’t me, bro!”  (*he smiles*)

She chooses Kiptyn and then offers to walk WAD out to the car.  Their good-bye is less than tearful and you can tell that Wes just can’t wait to get out of there.   Picture, a few moments later, Wes in the limo drinking a beer in celebration of his departure.  Here’s his “good-bye” speech…

“The 1st guy ever on The Bachelorette to make it to the Top 4 with a girlfriend.  You know, I think it’s going to take me a long time to be able to… you know… get back on my feet.” (*huge grin on his face*)

“Yeah, my acting days are over.  I’ve definitely gone as far as I could go with Jillian.  I mean, I’ve already done everything that I needed to do.  So, this is just kinda done the bulk of the road.  I’m going back home.  I’ve got my dog waitin’ and my band.  We’re pushin’ a brand new single right now.  I’ve got a big radio tour that I gotta do ASAP.  And, uh, let me tell you what.  Tonight, I’m in Spain and it’s about to go down.  I’m going out!  You know, I’m cuttin’ off the chains.  Clickity-click-click-click.” (*and, he does the clicking forever*)  “I’m a free man.”

Our Rhodes Scholar ends with…

“I’m in Spain… everybody’s gonna know my name.”

Maybe that’s the title for his next #1 single for Chihuahua, Mexico.

So, I’ve inserted the “clickity click” video so that you all can see the ridiculous look on his face.  He’s just the biggest WAD O’ CRAP that ABC has ever graced their reality shows with. 

But, before I end my never-so-humble opinions on this show, I just have one more thing to add.  What about the hometown dates last week?  Wes’ family backed him up.  His sisters told Jillian, as did his mother, that he didn’t have a girlfriend.  And, if I remember correctly, one of his sisters claimed that she was the one who signed him up for the show.  Do they know about all of this?  Were they in on the publicity scheme?  If so, how could they treat another woman like that?  There’s just so many questions I have about that hometown date and his family that were left unanswered.

So, next week, we get to see intimate dates in Maui.  The week after that, it’s the Men Tell All Episode where I am sure that ABC will have another week of TREMENDOUS ratings when everybody grills WAD O’ WES.  The week after that is a double-episode where we see who she chooses along with the subsequent  After the Final Rose Episode.

 

In case you’d like to read my other posts about this season’s The Bachorette, here’s a list o’ links!

The Bachelorette:  Ed Is Back!  Jake To The Rescue!  Michael Is Straight Up In Love With Her!

The Bachelorette:  Wes, Wes… Go Away!  Don’t Come Back Another Day!

The Bachelorette: Ed…Come Back!

The Bachelorette:  Loserish Blob of Blue Nothingness Nothing, He Cried!

The Bachelorette:  Rooftops, Cowboys, Ferraris & Some Good Old Fashioned Toe Worshipping

The Bachelorette:  More Streaking Than Mascara In The Pool

Last week’s voters were right… WAD O’ WES is long gone.  It’s getting tougher, but… here’s this week’s poll. 

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