This was the BEST Bachelorette episode that I’ve seen in a LONG LONG time.  I clapped, I screamed, I shouted at the television, and I took a tremendous amount of notes.  This is attributed to my long-standing hate relationship with Wes the lying, cheating, fame seeker.  OKAY.  So, here’s some great gossip.  You just can’t write this  stuff!  

This is the episode of hometown dates.  First up is Reid, The Realtor, with the hometown of Philadelphia, PA.  Basically, this date was a whole lot of boredom with a splash of non-committal tossed in for good measure.  Jillian felt closer to Reid and I almost fell asleep.

The next hometown date was with Michael, The Breakdancer and identical twin, from New York.  His hometown date was in Valencia, CA.  For those of you who aren’t familiar, it’s in the greater Los Angeles area, however inland.  Michael and his twin tried the ole’ switch-a-roo, but it didn’t work.  Jillian saw through it.  The main topic of conversation was Michael’s age.  But, she got along well with the family and Michael fell harder.

The next hometown date was with Kiptyn in Encinitas, CA (greater San Diego area).  His family is well educated, well-bred, and an overall charming group.  They hosted a “hot tub” joke for Hot-Tub-Harris (aka Jillian) as well as a blind taste test of good food and good wine. She passed, of course.  Kiptyn’s mom reminded me of Barbara Walters and his sister looked just like her mom, only brunette.  It was a good date and Kiptyn secured his spot in the finals.

Next is Jesse in Carmel, CA.  It is there that he and his brother, the mountain man, crazy dude manage their vineyards for the Kovac Brothers Winery.  This Hungarian family was delightful and I enjoyed everything except for the brother’s stupid comment about how women take a lot of mens’ money.  She tried to shut him down and I think she did a decent job.

Last, but certainly not least, is WES THE SCUMBAG from Austin, Texas.  Of course, he takes her to meet his first family… his band.  They get PRIME TIME air time on ABC with millions of viewers for their lame-ass song.  Let’s just start with some of his candor about his hopeful fame:

“At stake for me is we have a brand new CD coming out.  I want it to do well.  I want people to hear it.  I want people to like it.  That’s the ultimate goal.  I haven’t given Jillian a CD yet, but she will have one before she leaves Austin.”

He continues on about his band and pending fame…

“This is my life.  This is what I love to do.  This is like my church right here.  You know?  That feeling of getting back up there and strapping my guitar on and cranking up my sounds and I can hear that sound behind me roaring.  You cannot beat that feeling with a bat.  I mean, there’s no drug, no woman, nothing that can get you to feel that way you feel on stage.”

Then, he plays her “her song” (which, by the way, he admitted in an earlier show that he wrote even before he met her on the show).  GAG.

While this hoopla is going on, Jake, the American Airlines pilot, shows up at her hotel in Austin and pays her a visit.  He, of course, calls up Tanner (Well-Endowed-Foot-Fetish-Guy) for confirmation that he’s doing the right thing.

Meanwhile, Wes is giving Jillian a speech that makes me want to throw darts at my tv….

“I’m not a good liar.  So, I mean, if I’m feeling something I might as well just tell you the truth.  I mean, I like you a lot and I’m here for you.  I told you that when we were snow skiing.  And, I’m here for the right reasons.” 

and, then…

“I really want to try to make this work, honestly.”

LIAR!  And, why do reality show people always say “I’m here for the right reasons.”  Like, they’d admit if they were there for the wrong ones?

Circa the hotel.  Jillian’s gushing about Wes… “He’s probably the most incredible guy and talented guy that I’ve ever dated.”   WHAT?  Is she out of her cotton-pickin’ mind?

When Jake knocks at the door and surprises her, he explains to her that he’s not there to get her to take him back.  He explains…

“Had I not come here to tell you this and then watched you at the last rose ceremony make the wrong choice, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.”  And, then… “Wes has a girlfriend.  Her name is Laurel.”    He makes my heart break when he continues…

“I’m so sorry.  I want you to be happy.  I want you to pick the guy that is just going to worship the ground that you walk on and you don’t deserve anything less.  And, Wes isn’t the guy who is going to do that.”

So, Jillian talks to Wes.  He responds just as Jake predicted.  I want to smack Wes silly.  After the discussion, Wes suggests that Jillian invite Jake to the hotel room to discuss it face-to-face.  The cameras then take us to Jake’s room.  Brrring.  She calls.  He heads up to her room.  Viewers get to enjoy American hero theme music.  We all gasp and cry, “Go get him, Jake!”

No such luck.  Jillian is a certifiable idiot for believing anything that Wes the fame monger says.  If she picks him, I swear she’ll deserve everything she gets.  Oh, where’s Ed when we need him?

Jake and Wes face off.  Wes lies.  Jake is devastated that his good-doing falls on deaf ears.  He leaves her room.  He cries.  Oh, Jake… Oh, Jake.  I’m afraid to fly, but I’ll fly away with you.

Now, it is at this point that it appears to me that Wes is actually trying to get out of having Jillian meet his family.  He does it in a round-about way, but it’s more than obvious to me.  But, no, she’s stupid when it comes to Wes.  His family is actually delightful despite the fact that they show up late.  They all back Wes’ story that he’s single and looking for love.  WRONG.  He’s looking for a hit SINGLE!

Just when I am ready to change the channel and boycott The Bachelorette forever… Ed comes back!  I’M HOOTING AND HOLLERING!  Yeah, Baby, Yeah!  Oh, Ed… Ed… Ed…  So, this is what Ed has to say…

“I realized that I made huge mistake.  I got home and could not stop thinking about you from the second that I left.  And, I just, uh… I felt like I need to re-prioritize what I’m doing and I think I need to be here with you.  I think I want another shot.”

-and-

“… I don’t think that there is anybody here that is more compatible with you than me.  I just want a chance to be with you.  I just want to be transparent about everything and I just want another shot.”

My heart is pounding.  Ed… you can come to my door ANY DAY and say that to me! 

So, Ed gets an invite to the rose ceremony because Jillian realizes that she’d be a damn fool if she didn’t.

He tells her, “I won’t let you down again.”

Circa the rose ceremony.  Please please please dump Wes.

Oh, NO!  She doesn’t.

She chooses:

I wasn’t bummed when Jesse left.  However, when Michael left, I was totally sad.  He shares…

“There are just 100,000 small things between me and her that… that I love… that made me fall for the girl.  Oh, I just… I’m not going to get to see her.  Yeah, that is not going to go away for a while.  Oh, man.  I straight up loved that girl, didn’t I?”

 Yeah, and that’s the level of sentiment that we should be hearing from the guys who got roses.  (Hint to Wes:Not how much he loves being a singer!)

Michael is such a gentleman.  He goes on to say that if he had the chance to tell her three things, he’d say to her that she’s beautiful, he is going to miss her, and he wants her to be happy.  Now, that’s a man, folks!  That’s a man!

Everybody agreed that Wes needed to go.

But, no… he’s still there.

Who do you want for your final 3?

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