I recently attended one of those “naughty housewives” parties at my girlfriend’s home.  Over a terrific dinner and sangria, we learned about every type of “naughty accessory” one might have.  Now, had I attended such a party five years ago, I think that I may have had a different experience than this recent one.  I was a down-right party-pooper!  It seemed as though everybody was chatting up  their relationships with their husbands, boyfriends, or lovers… well, except for me and just one other gal.  Why? Because I’m a singleton.  And,  aside from the great company of gals, the party was just depressing me.  As we passed the (ahem, “toys”) from one person to the next, I didn’t even stop to look… I just handed it along.  You know, like when people are passing around cards at a party and it comes to your turn and you don’t want to read it at all, so you just pass it along like it’s the salt at the dinner table.  Except these were… well, you know!

Being single was something that I used to enjoy SOOO much in my early thirties.  “Too many men and too little time” was my motto.  Of course, I had to be terribly discreet in my dating habits so that it was never around my girls.  I did a good job of completely separating the two because I didn’t want “just any guy” around my children or in my home.  Dating was fun and adventurous and I craved the thrill of that first date and subsequent first kiss.  But, things have changed for me.  I’m not that girl anymore.

I have been out of the “love-of-my-life relationship” for nearly 3 years now.  In such time, I can count on one hand the number of dates that I’ve been on!  What happened to spicy Scorpio girl?  Where did my MOJO go?  I ponder about the reasons why I’m just not interested in pursuing an active dating life.  Insecurity?   Age?   Still hung up on the “Ex?”  Yeah, maybe all three.  But, that’s never stopped me before!   Nothing helps you get over a lost love like a new one, right?  I often wonder, what has happened to the outgoing creature I used to be?  I want her back!

Most days I don’t bother with makeup.  When I run errands, I could careless if I looked “cute” or not; comfort is my new M.O.  The hair is colored, nails are done, and eyebrows are waxed… but, despite the fundamentals being done, there’s not that certain somethin’-somethin’ in my energy anymore.  I’ve put on and taken off weight and it doesn’t seem to make a difference in my approach to wanting to date.  Although, when I am at the gym I admittedly get caught up staring at all those fine male creatures sweating around me!  (Note to self:  Go there more!)   Yet, nothing ever comes of the gym trips nor my runs to the grocery store.

Internet Dating… uh… NOOOOOOO!  I am horrible at it!  I take things way too personally.  These 40-something year old  ”men” in Southern California are all looking for those hard-bodied, no-children, and no-past-relationships arm-pieces.  They’ve reached their financial success goals  and are now ready to settle down with that “perfect” one.  God knows, I’m NO 20-Something-Year-Old-Barbie!  Besides, these guys prescreen your profile just on what you’ve filled in the blank and on your photos.  I’m convinced that I am so much more than my ”body type,” “religion,” or “turn-on’s!”  So, I can date older guys, right?  Truthfully, I really don’t want to date somebody much more than five years older than myself.  I’ve dated older guys in the past and it just wasn’t as fun as dating somebody my own age.   

So, what are my options?  I guess I can move to Alaska.  Maybe the men up there won’t be so caught up in meeting Miss. Perfect-Twenty-Something and I can meet a down-to-earth mountain man!   I can fish and I like salmon.  Yes, this sounds like fun… but, I think the twins would outright protest and Claire’s thin coat would keep her locked permanently indoors.  So much for Alaska!

Or, perhaps I can pursue a mail-order husband from The Soviet Block.  But, I can’t afford him.

Maybe I should move to a rural, country area where there are cowboys.  Yes, I like cowboys and I can learn to love more country music.  But, would this city girl ever really adjust?  And, what job would I have?   

My fears settle in…

Will I live out the rest of my days alone?

Will I become that born-again-virgin or scary spinster that I so fear? 

Many of my married friends say, “the grass is always greener.”  I retort, “yeah, but YOU can have sex any time YOU want to!”   You married ladies, don’t undervalue that asset you have!    

More than anything, when will my MOJO return to me?  Or, is it gone forever?  Maybe it’s time for a reinvention of myself… a new me with a different somethin’-somethin’?    Is it possible to lose all of my fears and just “go for it?”   Well, why not?   I think I should set a goal… perhaps 5 dates by the end of the year.  That’s do-able, right?  If anything, my disasterous dates would make great blog posts to keep you all in stiches!  Yes, that’s it… my goal is set… 5 dates by 12.31.09!  And, at least 1 great kiss!

Any dating tips?  Suggestions for meeting men?

Wish me luck!

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