Another week has passed and I’m still breathing.  I think that’s a good sign!   I have caught that nasty cold, so “the grumps” have had a hold on me.  I hope that my Sunday Salon is cathartic and kicks their butts right out of Dodge!

For Part 2 of “Misconceived“…

As soon as frilly dresses and side-hairdos were over, I faced a wonderful summer getting prepared for high school.  I hung out with the daughter of a friend of my aunt’s for most of the summer, Nikki.  I remember making up dances in her mom’s penthouse apartment in Newport Beach… singing “PYT… Pretty Young Thing” and “Ain’t Nothin’ Gonna Break-a-My Stride.”  We’d travel the boardwalk and cruise back and forth across the harbor on the ferry.  The times were different back then and parents did live with the same fears that we have today.  Literally, Nikki and I had a ton of independence and took full advantage of it!  We would be going to different high schools in different cities… we would grow apart.  Despite the summer,  I can honestly say that nothing quite prepares you that incredibly horrific time of your life.  I mean, it is horrific for everybody, right?

As I mentioned in the last post, those little niblets grew into full-size melons and I had shed a good amount of “the uglies.”  However, on the inside, my self-esteem was still quite embryonic.  Many of the kids that I had known before were lost in the sea of high-schoolers when we started back and freshmen were fair game for new “clicks” and alliances.  The old rules and BMOC were no longer.  I remember staring at the seniors and thinking to myself how old and sophisticated they were.  So handsome were the guys and the girls… well, like fresh movie stars.  I remained in awe of them and felt like a child in their presence. 

Soon enough, new friendships were formed.  Simultaneously, the different clicks took on identities… the “mods,” the “rockers” (aka the “heshians“), the “preppies,” the “jocks,” the “rah-rah’s,” and the “goths.”  The remainder of us fell  into a worse category… unnoticed.  It was in this year that I met my very best friend (and, still my best friend today...) Lori in Cellular Biology Honors class.  We had Mr. Rice, who was shaped like a pear with stout legs.  She was everything that I’d ever want to be and everything that, today, I still am not.   One of the “clicks” I remember the most was “The Rod Squad.”  It consisted of 3 boys, ranging in ages and grades, who all wore their bleached hair in spikes resembling Rod Stewart.  This is not to say that they were into Rod… I actually don’t think they were.  Imagine black leather pants.. tight… boots and checkered flannel shirts with chains up the ying yang!  Funny, I can’t remember what I ate yesterday, but I can still remember the names of two of them: Tim and Mike. It was the Rod Squad that HE was visiting that day when he came to my high school.

By the start of my second semester, I had developed my first serious crush.  I’ll never forget the day that I met HIM, like some scene out of an 80’s movie, from the lower level of the commons, I caught site of him leaning up against the senior lockers.  Imagine hot guy, black leather pants, white flannel shirt, and hair tinted burgundy… eyes that pierced right through my raw, unprotected heart.   At 18 years old, he was a man and I still a girl.  He reminded me of John Taylor of Duran Duran.  For those not up on the hottest guy ever, he was the bass guitarist for the band.  He’s still incredibly delicious and will be on an episode of Samantha Who very soon (check him out!).  John (see.. he even shares the same name as John Taylor… it was meant to be) and I started seeing each other.  How my parents didn’t seem to catch on to this is beyond me.  Ashamedly, I must have been one hell of a liar.  We went places that I had no business being at and spent time together in social situations that I wasn’t prepared for.  John was a reckless musician… a BASS GUITARIST… and a troubled spirit.  The kind of troubled that feels more like tortured soul to a young woman’s heart.   Of course, he became my first “relationship” of sorts, however it never played out to be the standard high-school romance.  It was always hiding, sneaking, and somewhat shameful… most especially for him, I am sure.  But, he did care for me and took care of me in the way that he should have.   But, with all the positive he brought into my life, over the next couple of years, he also brought as much emotional devastation.  There was no way that I compete with the older girlfriends in his life and the “living on his own” lifestyle that he had.  I was trapped at home and still very immature in my understanding of people.   Remember… my sheltered and ridiculous experience in K-8 school… well, there was NO social preparedness for this relationship.  Understand that I truly did have love in my heart for John and we remained close for many, many years.  And, I believe that John loved me wholly and completely.  I chose to be with him as much as he did I (so, no hating on John!). 

 

My Future Sister-In-Law (Left), Larry & I before Hollywood Concert. I met Michael Hutchins that night... yes, I did!

I had Lori in my life.  I found that relationship to be my rock, my foundation, and my place for truth.  As I distanced myself from my family, emotionally, and moved into my sophomore year, my grades remained solid.  Lori and I remained tight, but I expanded my friendship circle by becoming friends with a girl named Jill.  She was a lot like me.  She understood that older crowd and the need for a life completely undiscovered by the parental units.  She was my “party” friend… not that the partying was all that outrageous at the time (but, there wasn’t complete innocence, either).  Jill is my other “Best Friend” and we’ve remained close to this very day.  We did all the things that we weren’t supposed to…. but, rarely got caught.  (Boy, are my kids in for my P.I. moves!)  Lori remained my “good girl” friend and we learned to embrace our differences as an integral part of our relationship.  I was the leather to her lace, the red to her pink, and the black to her white.  She was the angel and I… of course the devilish one.  I remained fearless of the parental figures and made on-going mistakes with John and a couple of other boys who I formed crushes on at the time.  But, this was the year that my soul became synonymous with music and in it I became lost. 

Disagree with me all you want, but the 80’s were an amazing time for music.  The songs were lyric driven and lyrics are the soundtrack to my mind and my life.  Everything related to a song and all I cared about was music.  To this day, I am still as engaged in it as I was then.  For every season and aspect of my life, there is music that is tied to it.  Jenny Piccalo and I would spent hours in her room figuring out the lyrics to The Cure and other artists on vinyl and cassette tape (back then, you didn’t always get the lyrics with the album… spoiled babies nowadays).  I spent days and afternoons dedicated to my wasted heart, bleeding into poems and songs.  Like most girls, the poems and stories poured out of my soul.  But, nothing could have prepared me for the my first true love who would enter my world the following year.

Besides my relationships with Lori and Jill, I only had a speckling of other friends.  I lived my life under the radar and consumed with passions.  I would be described as a very intense person.  The niceties of a pleasant, shallow conversation I never did learn nor experience.  For those who I didn’t scare away, I found a friend and many of those were guys.  I thought that the love of a guy would erase the heartache… the longing for acceptance.   My outlet was being actively involved with music, singing, and dancing and training in voice and dance.  Believe it or not, I used to be able to bust-a-move… or, so they’d say.  By my senior year, I had made the Varsity Dance Team and had done several shows & extra work.  Some thought that I definitely chose the wrong road by quitting dance, song and drama later down the road, even though it eventually became my major in college, Performing Arts.  

During my early high school years, I also found an enormous passion of photography.  I was contstant wielding a camera and, as you can see, took every opportunity to go out and snap shots.  The photos of me in this post were from the days when Lori or Jill and I would head out and do “shoots.”  Of course, I’d shoot them and they me.  How funny are these poses of me trying to be pretty and sexy?  I’m getting a bit of a chuckle out of them even though I love them.  They have memories attached, as all do.  Photos… well, I have a closet full of books of albums that walk through my entire life.  Where the music is the soundtrack of my life… my photo albums are he books of my life.  These albums are most likely the only material thing that I would worry about should the house be on fire!  Truthfully, I love photography. 

The intense, dark, introspective dancer, singer, actress, writer and photographer… where did she go?  What became her because I can’t even feel her anymore?  Is this what happens to us all?  Tell me, can you ever resurrect that untainted spirit?  If so… I need to do it, IMMEDIATELY! 

I think perhaps it was a bit of a double life I led at the time.  I maintained excellent grades and avoided punishable trouble (for the most part), yet my family didn’t know me at all.  Maybe they only knew the parts of me that they wanted to see.  At the time, I did have a good connection with my little sister even though today that is now lost.  I suppose that these high school years were the beginning of the end of my relationships with both my mother and my father and today I remain an “orphan.”   When I look at the pictures in this post, I wonder what it was that they saw in me and of me.  I doubt they ever knew me at all, not that I’m blaming them.

Junior & Senior Years... Next Sunday's Salon

Next week, I’ll continue with Part 3 of Misconceived… the exhiliration and heartache of Kristopher  and moving out of the house.

OK.. time for THE SALON…

This week’s reads

This week, I read and reviewed Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.  I am currently reading Revolutionary Road.

In my mailbox for review

I received The Prenup by Beth Kendrick… you may remember her – the author of The Nearlyweds.   I bought Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.  

Challenges & Contests

THURSDAY’S THOUGHTS 

We got a winner of Celebrating Your Family’s Best, Teddy of So Many Precious Books, So Little Time.  She won a signed copy of Kirk Curnutt’s Breathing Out The Ghost and I’ve asked her to contribute the next questions for Thursday’s Thoughts.  

This week at Thursday’s Thoughts, we have a Carrie’s question to readers: 

“If you had his guarantee that he would read it, what one book would you give to President Obama – and why?”

 So, the winner gets to pick a book about a president from Amazon.com.   I hope that you enter and post about it this week!

OTHER CONTESTS

I will be announcing the winner of  The Makedown  and the $25 Smackaroolies Contests this week.   Jo-Jo of Jo-Jo Reads won A Novel Menagerie’s Contest for the copy of Breathing Out The Ghost.

READING CHALLENGES

I finished up two reading challenges this month and am feeling pretty positive about it.  I’m on-target for my J. Kaye’s 100+ Book Challenge and of course, the Just For the Love of It Challenge is flexible.  For everybody who is participating in the challenge, don’t forget to add your January reviews to Mr. Linky HERE.

At Home

The girls won last week’s game… still undefeated.  Again, my daughter was a top-scorer for the game.  I’m proud of them.  This is is their first season, after all.  The weather in Southern California has been up and down and all over the place.  We get to thank Mr. Weather for blasting my allergies into hyperdrive.  Got my mani/pedi today (no gross man there this time!).

I got ”Tink Approved”… which is super-cool!  If you don’t know Jen, please scoot on over to Up Close & Personal with LadyTink’s blog.

Still applying for jobs left and right.  NADA.  Zilch.  So, I’m focusing on getting my taxes done this week and my truck repaired.   Since California is issuing IOU’s for our tax rebates, I’m completely and totally furious with our state government right now.  Maybe Obama can spray a can of WHOMP ASS on our legislature!  Speaking of Obama… quite a little controversial post this week.. I think.  The post was not an intent to “bag on” Obama, but rather to slap the hands of both Bush and Obama for the ridiculous costs affiliated with the inauguration ceremonies, etc.  I did gain a couple of different perspectives on Obama and on the spending… but, whew… it got my thoughts a racin’!

I have my first Book Club Meeting with Lisa next Sunday.  We’re going to do a post together after the meeting… RAD!  I also wrote a guest post for Literary Menagerie this week, so I’ll let you know when that posts.

As always, the time that you take to read my blog means the WORLD to me!  Thank you so much!

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