Dear Mr. Pedicure

letters-logo-post-sizeDear Mr. Pedicure,

I first wanted to thank you for blessing us with your presence at Happy Nails Salon.  Seeing as it’s primarily a place for us gals to escape our men and normal lives, it’s such a pleasure to have you come and visit our Estrogen Den.  I mean, without your  hairy legs, pungent smell, hideous looks and over-grown, yellowing toenails, our experience wouldn’t have been complete. 

I especially would like to thank you for giving me the nastiest glares humanly possible as I walked past you to the front door while trying to calm a fussy baby.  You know, without those glares I don’t think that I would have actually noticed that the 18 pound baby I had been holding for well over an hour was crying.  I also wanted to thank you for the helpful reminder that you were sitting by the front door, so that every time I entered and exited I had felt your gentle ease and overflowing sense of joy about the baby being there with us all.

Mr. Pedicure, I realize that you came out of the womb a grown man and have never  given another human being as much as a moment of unquiet.  No, this you would never do, I know.  I also wanted to thank you for the reminder that you gave all us gals that an $18 pedicure means never having to tolerate another human being.  Perhaps your lady love should have splurged and spent that extra $5 for the longer massage just to give you that extra sumthin’ special because YOU DESERVE IT!

Oh, and I wanted to thank you on behalf of my sister.  You know, considering she has been trying to cope with a sick, crying baby for an entire week, while she herself and her husband were also sick, you know I am quite sure that she just really appreciated your tolerance and understanding as well.  Sharing your public space was so generous of you. 

I wish I had gotten your number!  I’m just not sure that my nails would be happy if you weren’t there the next time I went in for my mani/pedi.  You know, every time I go, I give the evil eye to every mother in there, as well.  Like you, I was ejected from the womb a grown woman and really cannot even fathom my $35 of peace to be so much as slightly marred by the presence of an infant.  I mean, you’re right… “it’s great to hate!”  Why didn’t I think of that sooner?  I’m having a tee-shirt made… want to share in the proceeds?

Oh, and for your lady love, I just pray that she is one of those women who can push out those full-grown children for ya’!  I’d hate to see your life even slightly interrupted by so much as a tear. 

Only my best to you, big boy! 

Sheri

p.s. Just a tip, from one hater to another, avoid McDonalds, Target, WalMart, PizzaHut, and public parks… them babies are EVERYWHERE!

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13 Comments

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13 Responses

  1. Molly

    January 13th, 2009 at 4:38 am

    Sheri – I just love reading your posts first thing in the morning. I am guaranteed to start my day off with a giggle :)

    Molly’s last blog post..Audiobooks?

  2. Rebecca @ The Book Lady's Blog

    January 13th, 2009 at 7:46 am

    File this one under “Why We Hate Us” and go buy a copy of Dick Meyer’s book to give to the next horribly rude person you encounter. It will make you feel better, I promise. And thanks for what is, so far, the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    Rebecca @ The Book Lady’s Blog’s last blog post..I love my husband, but…

  3. krissy

    January 13th, 2009 at 9:40 am

    To funny, and so true! (I take my baby, and get her a pedi, too-while I send my boys to play in the toy section!) I may be one more reason why the glares went your way.

    krissy’s last blog post..Tidbits, snippits and pippits

  4. Margo

    January 13th, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Ha! What a jerk. I hope your toes at least look beautiful. Thanks for the laugh!

    Margo’s last blog post..Aloha Friday

  5. Darlene

    January 13th, 2009 at 10:41 am

    Well this was funny to read, not so funny to be there. I agree, what a jerk!

    Darlene’s last blog post..Noontime Book Chat Day 2: Cassandra & Jane by Jill Pitkeathley

  6. angie

    January 13th, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    I’m amazed how many humans are intolerant A-wipes. :)

    angie’s last blog post..Tuesday’s Tribute-Birthday’s, Family, Wii, Tennis

  7. Shana @ Literarily

    January 14th, 2009 at 9:26 am

    What a jerk! I hope you and your sister enjoyed your mani/pedis in spite of the neanderthal!!!

  8. Wrighty

    January 14th, 2009 at 11:47 am

    Total jerk! And that only increases your stress level. He probably thought all of you female types were there to serve his every desire. Isn’t that all we’re good for anyway? I doubt he could hang out with the men because they would beat him up. With any luck he’ll never be back there again.

    Wrighty’s last blog post..Lemonade Award

  9. Amanda

    January 14th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    I used to have a boss with this man’s attitude to children. He was a nice fellow in many ways, but showed disdain towards crying or noisy children in restaurants etc. I used to remind him that he was one himself, once.

    Needless to say, he and his wife never had children… too busy focusing on their careers.

    Amanda’s last blog post..Learning to lean on Him

  10. Tamara Baff

    January 15th, 2009 at 3:09 am

    Brilliant letter and oh…. so funny!!! LOL
    Tamara

    Tamara Baff’s last blog post..AWESOME!!!! Meme

  11. Judi

    January 15th, 2009 at 10:17 am

    What a dirtbag. I would never go there again.

    Judi’s last blog post..

  12. Vicki

    January 16th, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    That is so gross. What is a grown man doing there? He obviously doesn’t frequent these things if he still has a lot of leg hair and yellow nails. I can’t even get past that to be incensed at his nasty looks. Yuck!!!

    Vicki’s last blog post..Exactly where I’m supposed to be

  13. Elizabeth

    January 17th, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Hysterical! He should have offered to take the baby!

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Galway Bay


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