Monday, Dec 15, 2008

The Night of Terror

Can Twins Be THAT Bad?

When people meet me and the topic comes up that I’m a mom of twins, I ALWAYS get that steady 33.33% who say to me, “You’re so lucky!  I’ve always wanted twins!”  I’m not joking… you’d be surprised how many women/moms think that twins would be just super duper.  I want to go on that ABC Show, Wife Swap… except, I don’t have a husband.  But, let me tell you… that mom would be SOOO happy when she returned home to her husband and children that I would have done not only her a great service, but half of the mothers in America!

This week, I have been accused of giving birth to them simply to make them my “slaves” so that I’d never do housework again.  I mean, do they really think that I’d have to make even 1/4 of the mess that they do?!?  In any event, I’m a slave-driver and they can’t wait until they become emancipated at age 18.  Yeah, right.  They’ll probably never leave home and I’ll never have a clean floor ever again.

To top it all off… they were sneaking into my packages under my bed to see what I got them for Christmas while I was LYING ON MY BED asleep (taking a nap).  I woke up to the sound of “crinkle, crinkle, crinkle… whisper… crinkle… crinkle…”  I wake up, practically shouting, “WHAT are you doing?”  The response… always that same damn response… “nothing.”

So, tonight’s dinner table conversation I just had to share…. (I’m in red):

N: Hey, Dee… do you know Cade Bustamonte?

D: Yeah, I think so…

N: She’s a model and an actress and she’s dating Dave.

D: I TOTALLY know Cade.  She’s friends with Amy.  (see?  everybody has “my friend Amy…”  hee hee)

 N: No, she’s not.

D: Yes, she is!

 N: No, she’s not.

D: Yes, she is!

 MOM: Enough.

D: She is popular and in 5th period science.

N: No, she’s not.  She’s in 2nd period science.

D: No, she’s not.

N: Yes, she is!

D: No, she’s not.

N: Yes, she is!

MOM: Enough!

N:  Well, she and I are like really good friends and she’s really cool and we talk all the time.

D: You do not!

N: Yes, I do!

D: You do not!

MOM: I said, ENOUGH!

N: Well, if you know her so well… then, how many boys has she dated?

D: ummm… let me think.

 MOM:  How old IS this girl?

N: MOM!  Ssssshhhh!   It doesn’t matter!

MOM:  Like heck it isn’t!  How old is she?

N:  MOM!  Stop interrupting!  It’s not important!

MOM: Oh, yes it is!

N:  MMMMooommmm.. she’s 11, like us.

MOM: And, she’s dating?

N:  Mom, they all do!

I’m thinking to myself… they all do?  At 11?

MOM: Well, where do they go on dates?

D: Out to dinner or the movies.

 MOM: They DO?

 D: Mom, just forget it!  Nicole, she’s dating Scott because he sits by Amy in 5th period science and Cade comes to visit.

 MOM: She does?

D:  MMMMOOOOMMMMMM!!!! Yeah, Cade’s really popular and I’m totally her friend, too.

N:  No, you are not!

D: Yes, I am.

N: No, you’re not.  She would have told me. 

 MOM: I SAID, ENOUGH!  How many “Cade’s” can there be at your school? 

N:  One.

D:  Two!

 MOM: There are TWO Cade’s at YOUR school that are 11 years old and are “dating?”  That can’t be right.  Who drives them on these dates?

 D: Their parents… I don’t know… who cares!

MOM: Well, you can’t say they’re “dating” unless they go on dates. And, you’re telling me that there are two sets of parents that take their kids and drop them off at restaurants and the movies for dates… and, their kids are ELEVEN!?!

D:  Mom, I don’t know.  Who cares?!?  Scott takes her to lunch at the cafeteria and buys her lunch there.

MOM: So, they’re not going on car dates?

D:  MOM!  I DON’T KNOW!  It doesn’t matter, they’re just DATING!  OK!?!

MOM: Technically, they’re not.  You can’t be dating if you don’t go on dates. 

I’m now thinking to myself … I am so clever!  OH GOD!  I’m not!  I sound like my father!  Kill me now.

N:  You’re just jealous that Cade’s my friend and not yours!  Are you sure that your friend is CADE BUSTAMONTE?

D:  I don’t know her last name… she has brown hair and she’s pretty.

N:  DEE… IS IT BUSTAMONTE?!

MOM: There cannot be two CADE BUSTAMONTE’s!

N: & D: MMMMOOOOMMMM!!!!

MOM: I am just having trouble imagining TWO 11-year old Cade’s, at your school, who’s parent lets them date, who’s pretty and has brown, curly hair.   What do you think they do on these dates?

 N: & D: MMMMOOOOMMMM!!!!

N:  Cade is not “dating,” she’s in a relationship!

MOM: A relationship?  Does she even know what’s involved in a relationship?  I bet you have a better relationship with your pets than she does with Dave, or Scott, or whomever!

D: Mom, people in Junior High have relationships… you know.. they’re together~!  And, Nicole, she is not your friend because she is popular.

MOM: Oh, Dear God!

 N:  Dee, I will show you her tomorrow.  She IS my friend and I will prove it!

D: Who?

MOM: Dee!  FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!  Cade Bustamonte, that’s who!

 N:  Mom!  How do YOU know her last name?

 MOM: O….Lord, help me!

Okay, so the conversation goes ON and ON for another 15 minutes and nothing is solved.  And, now I’m terrified that my twins are going to public school… please, God, let me win the lottery so that I can either home school them or send them to private, Christian school.  Dating?  WHAT???  I didn’t even have my first kiss until I was 13!  Dating?

Now, granted that I am sure that the parents of these kids DO NOT let their 11-year olds go out on “dates,” so I am no insinuating that these parents are doing anything wrong.  What gets me is how they get so wrapped up into the drama of it all… they are so young!  Dee is getting love notes from some boy who is lovesick and he keeps writing these terrible poems about how she cannot escape his love.  OMG!  Terra says that this is all pretty normal for the age.  I, honestly, cannot believe it.  It just seems WAY, WAY, WAY too early for kids to be discussing relationships!

Oh, and… anybody want to “wipe swap” with me? (well, except for maybe Angie at Seven Clown Circus)

What do you think?  TALK TO ME!

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